Psychological unpreparedness for motherhood and dissatisfaction with one’s life cast doubt on the success of motherhood. And yet, most women manage to raise children in love, despite everything. Unfortunately, there are exceptions, which the following eight signs will indicate.
Violation of personal boundaries
A mother is supposed to be close to her child, but every person needs personal space. Systematic gross violation of personal boundaries, refusal to take your feelings into account indicate that you are not respected as a person. And there is no love without respect. Unhealthy attachment, perhaps. Such mothers remember about distance only in moments of probable physical closeness, for example, when hugs are implied. Do not be surprised if your mother ignores your outburst of tenderness. But at the same time, she will not hesitate to reveal your secrets to strangers.
The role of a punching bag
Another clear sign of an ambiguous relationship with your mother is her habit of taking out her frustrations on you. No matter what happened: an argument with the house manager or her realizing once again that she is unhappy with life, you will soon find out that you are the main cause of all the problems. Say thank you if there were no accusations of a “broken life”. In truly loved and close people, they look for support, not a lightning rod.
Endless comparisons
She constantly compares you to your peers and not only. And these comparisons are always not in your favor. Her ace up her sleeve is comparing herself. The only compliment you can count on from her lips is attempts to tease you about your beauty and youth (and, of course, stupidity). This, alas, does not look like the behavior of a loving and caring parent.
Ignoring your opinion
It’s as if your arguments don’t exist, even if you vigorously defend your position. You often get the impression that your mother is talking to herself, and you are destined to be a silent shadow next to her. It’s hard for you to imagine that you can be frank and share problems, because you know that you won’t be heard.
Unbridled criticism
Constructive criticism helps you correct mistakes and grow. Unfair criticism is like pulling the rug out from under your feet. A loving mother cannot be intolerant of mistakes and categorical: her role is to teach and guide, not to drown and nip any initiatives in the bud. If you need a few days to recover after a conversation with her, your mother probably doesn’t like you.
Every conversation turns into an argument
There are people who make us better and help us show our best qualities. You can build healthy relationships with them, at the very least, sympathy is possible between you. But if your mother is a drama queen who drags you into arguments and conflicts out of the blue, noticing only the negative, she is unlikely to have warm feelings for you.
Indifference to your successes
If your failures still find a response in her heart and are worth attention, then your successes will probably be met with cold indifference and even contempt. This is especially noticeable when you want to share good news and achievements, and she finds a way to humiliate you. Conversations with you are not interesting to her. She does not care about your work, relationships, hobbies, goals and dreams.
No chance of approval
The very nature of parent-child relationships implies the need to earn the approval of the older generation. But when your mother openly neglects you, the mission becomes impossible. You feel that you will never be able to please her, no matter what you do, it will be insufficient. Remember, a loving mother is happy with the slightest success and signs of attention, and her children are confident in her unconditional love.