Why is it that nowadays it seems so difficult to find love ?
A great truth is that the world is often bad and cruel, people just think they are manipulating and mistreating others.
Another great truth, however, is that there are mistakes that almost all of us make that prevent us from finding the person we want to have next to us , the one who would make our life light and happy.
In this article, therefore, we talk about the main mistakes that almost all of us make and that prevent us from finding love .
Ready?
3… 2… 1… go! ?
1- LET YOUR PAST INFLUENCE THE FUTURE
Parents who belittle us, lack of affection, friends who make fun of us, unhealthy and disappointing first relationships… there are so many experiences that traumatize us and create deep emotional wounds in us .
The problem is that instead of growing we allow ourselves to be annihilated by these experiences, creating in us a paranoid state of fear and insecurity that makes us doubt everything and everyone, even the people who care about us.
We adorn ourselves with shields, armor and masks, pushing others away from us before they can hurt us : all because we are afraid that what has already happened in the past will repeat itself.
In doing so it is true that we keep pain at a distance but it is equally true that we also keep at a distance those who could truly love us.
2- YOU EXPECT EVERYTHING WITHOUT ASKING FOR NOTHING
You want a nice gesture, that other people declare their interest, that they stay close to you but refuse to express yourself and let others know what you think and what you would like .
Also in this case it is the fear of disappointment that drives our inaction and the reality is that even if it is true that in doing so we will never hear ourselves say no, it also becomes extremely difficult to hear yes .
Nobody can read the thoughts of others and therefore it is extremely important to be able to express their desires and expectations as the only way to increase their chances of seeing our desires satisfied.
There are so many people who lose the opportunity to start happy relationships simply because they are too afraid to take the first step and yes, it is true that exposing oneself often means failure, but only persevering leads to success.
3- YOU DON’T TRUST YOURSELF
Lack of self-esteem and trust is one of the main problems of any couple.
A person who does not trust himself, even if in search of the love of life, when he finds someone who really wants to be next to him will tend to believe that he ” does not deserve it “.
This thought will often turn into fear of being, one day, abandoned or even of being a bad person who will surely make the partner suffer and, such thoughts will almost always tend to turn into dysfunctional behaviors aimed at alienating others ,
The saddest thing of all is that once we manage to be alone, the loneliness we create will reinforce the belief that we are worthless and an absolutely destructive vicious circle will be created for which in every relationship we will always continue to do all to push others away by being alone.
4- PUT MATERIAL ASPECTS BEFORE EMOTIONAL THINGS
Work, taxes, expenses… all seem to be extremely important elements and, to tell the truth, they are.
The problem is when these are always put first by decreasing the intensity of the emotional investment within a relationship.
Life is made up of unexpected events and difficulties and one of the main aspects of a functional couple is to support and help each other.
Taking off the importance of the emotional side, choosing someone only based on financial resources or lack of economic problems, as well as giving priority to work activities by taking away time from family activities is one of the main reasons for breaking up.
Nobody wants to live with someone who values money more than him or her .
Doing so means convincing others that their importance in our life is minimal and the result is practically always the break.
5- REFUSE TO RELY ON OTHERS
These are my things and I have to solve them myself.
Too bad that in a couple, as much as individuality is important, one of the main factors is, as I said earlier, support and mutual help .
When we, perhaps out of habit, refuse to share responsibilities and problems we are doing nothing but telling others that we do not have the slightest trust in them , thus effectively eliminating the couple from the couple.
6- DO NOT ACCEPT DIFFERENCES AND DEFECTS
There are no two people in this world who are exactly identical to each other.
We all have differences that distinguish us from each other and, in the same way, we have strengths and weaknesses.
Considering diversity as something negative and refusing to accept the defects of others as something normal does nothing but create situations of contrast with a person who will never feel truly accepted for who he is.
A one-way ticket to a place called solitude.
7- PUT YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER IN PRISON WITHOUT REASON
We are together so we must necessarily do everything together.
You refuse to see your friends alone, you refuse to go out alone, to go shopping alone … all only to subsequently feel unhappy and stressed , perhaps with the desire to blame your partner for all the sacrifices made for him that probably not even he asked you to do them.
The same is true when it is we who order the partner to devote all his time to us , perhaps preventing him from following his interests and passions only that, obviously, in this case it will be the partner who will feel frustrated and sad.
We should always remember that a relationship is not a cage but a choice of two people who, in their freedom, decide to share their life .
If there is love , time spent together should be a pleasure, not an obligation and certainly not an exclusive.
If you ever think you have to annihilate yourself by giving your partner all your time, it would be advisable to realize that you are experiencing a situation of emotional dependence .
And if you were to want your partner to give up everything for you then we are talking about a situation of profound insecurity and lack of self-esteem ( whether you realize it or not ) that brings you close to becoming a control freak .
Certainly in both cases we are not talking about love.
8- TALK TO OTHERS ABOUT YOUR PARTNER OR WHO YOU LIKE BY GIVING CREDIT TO THE REPLIES RECEIVED
We should always keep in mind that generally people are good for only one thing: criticizing .
When we decide to share details of our life as a couple, our partner or the person we like with others we must assume that in most cases what will happen will be that we will receive heavy criticism of whatever it is. that we shared.
Let it be clear that such criticisms are practically always totally unmotivated and have the sole purpose of those who criticize that of rising to be superior by diminishing your life or the person with whom you share it or would like to share it.
Human beings have an innate and unhealthy need for superiority and nothing makes them happier than destroying someone else.
When there is love things should be discussed and resolved within the couple , not by external ears and mouths
CONCLUSIONS
Many of the behaviors that we now consider normal are all but positive for our life.
The catch lies precisely in the fact that now ” normal ” seems to have become synonymous with ” good ” when it has absolutely nothing to do with it.
I’ll give you an example: in some countries it is ” normal ” to kill a woman even if she has the reputation of being ” easy “. Normal but definitely not fair.
In the same way, many behaviors that we justify by saying that “they are normal ” are actually real suicides that ruin our life without us realizing it, preventing us from finding love .
We should start thinking more in terms of ” right and wrong ” than ” normal or abnormal “, we would only benefit.
