It usually takes two people to keep a relationship together, but what if you’re the one causing the marriage to fall apart? Here are eight habits to avoid to keep your family together.
Attempts to remake a partner
A marriage on the terms of “I’ll remake him to suit myself” is in most cases doomed to failure. It is still possible to adjust a partner’s lifestyle with “soft power”, but it is almost impossible to replace the beliefs he has carried throughout his life and the character traits inherent in him since childhood with the desired ones. And why do you need a man without a core? Of course, people change for each other, but they do it of their own free will.
Involvement of third parties
Even in ideal relationships, disagreements arise, but they need to be resolved together with your partner, and not seek support from others. Rarely are parents or friends able to look at the situation impartially, they usually blindly take your side and thus aggravate the conflict. When this happens regularly, a man feels that he is in a relationship not with you, but with your critical environment. No one will like this situation.
Comparisons with others
Not the most favorable comparisons with other couples kill any value in the relationship: it seems that you don’t care who your partner is, the main thing is that the car is more prestigious than the one of your mother’s friend’s son, and the resort where you are going on vacation is a star cooler than your friend’s. Arguments like “what a romantic he is” and “he takes her to restaurants every Friday” are even worse. Men perceive such examples as an attempt to hurt their dignity, so it is better to formulate your desires in other ways.
Passive aggression
Obviously, when you are offended. And your “nothing happened” only prolongs the unnamed conflict. The partner falls into the trap of manipulation without any chance to get out of it, because there is simply no correct reaction to it. Such silent revenge is unfair. Surely you would also like to know why you are being punished. Regular manifestation of passive aggression will distance you from each other each time – at some point, your partner will simply get tired of guessing what is on your mind and why you consider him a stranger to whom you cannot open up.
Depriving him of his personal space
When you start a relationship, you and your partner do not become one person, not all friends have to be mutual. Lack of personal space can cause tension. At least sometimes it is worth taking a break from each other and having time to miss each other. Make sure that you allow your husband to spend time without you and that you, in turn, have the same opportunity. A little freedom will only strengthen trust.
Jealousy
Before your fateful meeting with your chosen one, as well as after, there are relatives, friends, acquaintances, colleagues, and so on. It is normal to catch yourself thinking that you do not want to share your partner with anyone, you are in love, after all, and want to spend as much time together as possible. But there is no point in making scenes because of every episode of communication on the side: such an approach will destroy your marriage, because the man will ultimately doubt your adequacy. Between complete self-isolation and divorce, he will more readily choose the latter.
Stopping self-care
Wedding, pregnancy, new concerns – getting back into shape can be difficult, if not impossible. However, giving up and completely ignoring your appearance is fraught with danger. We are not talking about disappearing for hours in the gym and parading in a new set of underwear past your fat husband on the couch. Motivate each other to be in good, albeit imperfect, shape to maintain mutual romantic interest for many year.
Insensitivity to his efforts
He may rarely guess what a woman wants, but the main thing in this discipline is participation. The readiness to do something for you is worth a lot in itself. Encourage your partner to continue in the same spirit, recognize the value of small accomplishments. Praise him for the shelf, and he will assemble the closet. Scold him for the shelf, and the closet will remain untouched. A man wants to be recognized at least by his wife. In the absence of such recognition at home, he will definitely find it on the side.