The least parents can do for their child’s mental health is to avoid common mistakes. If you care about your children’s future, eliminate the following actions from your behavior.
Scold from the doorway
Even if the children have managed to do something while you were away, try to summon all your composure and not to snap at them without properly understanding the situation. Maybe your relationship leaves much to be desired, but the emotional connection between children and their mother cannot be denied. When the offspring are waiting for your return, aggression, even verbal, hurts their psyche.
Wake up with loud sounds
If your baby has trouble waking up in the morning, don’t rush to buy an alarm clock with a siren that howls throughout the house and to hit the pot with a ladle. Just as you shouldn’t raise your voice when he’s in such a defenseless state. From a psychological point of view, loud, sharp sounds do nothing but harm to the child’s nervous system. You can wake him up without resorting to harsh methods: try starting with hugs instead of noise.
Having favorites in the family
Children feel very well when they are treated differently than their brothers or sisters. If a child is lucky enough to be among the favorites, it is not so bad. To realize that you are unloved and unnecessary in the family is a real tragedy for a fragile psyche. Work through your own problems with a psychologist if you feel that your biased attitude may threaten the well-being of one of your children.
Don’t apologize
Children interact with their parents from birth and unconsciously learn everything in the world from their example. Do you strive to raise a child who is fair, polite and noble? Then do not forget to be guided by these benefactors in your own life. If you refuse to apologize as a parent, but demand this from your heirs, you will not be able to raise them properly. Your authority in the eyes of your child directly depends on the coincidence of your words and actions.
Devaluing problems
Remember yourself as a child: did the fight for a shovel in the sandbox seem like an innocent argument to you? And how often were you seriously upset in your school years because of something that today only causes a smile and a fit of nostalgia? Be glad that the child trusts you and shares his experiences. In no case perceive his problems as a trifle, and especially do not ridicule the child’s difficulties.
Shifting responsibility
Parents may not even notice how they take out their anger on their own children. Alas, this happens in many families: just look at the toxic phrases that are passed down from generation to generation. You are an adult, which means you are more capable of controlling yourself than the younger generation. Children are not to blame for your bad mood and for the fact that you “devoted your life to them.”
“Teach” through injustice
If the relationship is healthy, the family is a safe place for the child, where he can hide from the outside world, including emotionally. Unfortunately, parents often allow themselves to use less than ethical methods of upbringing: deception, statements like “the world is unfair,” unjustifiably harsh “preparation of the child for real life.” Such behavior literally knocks the ground out from under the child’s feet: those who should protect, consciously hurt and accompany all this with a smile. A shattered psyche is unlikely to help him in real life.
Punish with emotional warfare
Telling your child that you are not talking to him is, at first glance, a practically harmless punishment. But do not forget that your opponent is a child with a fragile psyche. You can easily keep your promise even for the whole day, but it will be difficult for him to bear even a few minutes. Ignoring can be very traumatic for a child, because, in fact, this is a demonstration of emotional rejection of him.