The more you tell yourself that you can’t do it, the more likely it is that it will happen.
1. “I’m an idiot”
Are you redoing an important project for the third time? Can’t figure out what’s written in the textbook? Have you decided to take up programming in Python, but your head is spinning from all the new information? At such moments, it’s easy to doubt your intellectual abilities and reward yourself with some offensive epithets.
But instead of beating yourself up, try using more gentle phrases. For example, “I have strengths and weaknesses. Programming is really hard. I’ll have to put more time and effort into it.” Otherwise, you’ll actually convince yourself that you’re not that smart — and thus cut yourself off from interesting projects and new knowledge.
2. “I’m a loser! I can’t do anything.”
We usually say this when we are tired and the world appears in very dark colors. At such moments, one last little thing is enough to give up and exclaim: “Why am I always unlucky
Try replacing such expressions with a more neutral version: “Yes, my life has its ups and downs. But I do exactly as much as I can, and as well as I can at the moment.”
3. “I am to blame for everything myself.”
Sometimes we try to shift responsibility to others, and sometimes we go to the other extreme and start blaming ourselves for all our own, and other people’s, troubles. This is not constructive and can ruin your mood and motivation for a long time. Try saying: “I played a role in what happened. But I am only responsible for my actions and decisions, and not for the whole situation.”
4. “They probably think that I…”
Oh, this eternal delusion of ours – to consider ourselves the center of the universe and to think that everyone around us cares a lot about how we look, what we say and do. All this, of course, comes from self-doubt: we, in fact, attribute our own thoughts to others.
So it’s not your classmates at your high school reunion who think you’re a loser, it’s you who think you are one.
And even if some strangers really aren’t thrilled with you, it doesn’t mean anything. So replace the anxious “They think that I…” with this formulation: “They can think whatever they want, that’s their right. But their opinion is just their opinion, it doesn’t say anything about me.”
5. “I am lazy and a procrastinator”
It’s happened to everyone: you were getting ready to go to work, went online to look for important information, link after link – and then three hours have passed, and you’re reading about Kim Kardashian’s plastic surgery or watching a documentary about a blobfish.
After this, anyone will be overcome with guilt: how is this possible, I should have been doing something useful, but instead… I am lazy, sad and passive, I will never achieve anything. But such self-flagellation will not make anyone feel better.
Guilt is one of the reasons for prolonged procrastination . We waste time, then blame ourselves for it and think that the day is already ruined and there is no point in getting down to business. Therefore, it is better to replace unconstructive statements with something like “Today is just such a day, I needed to rest. And tomorrow I will make up for lost time.”
6. “I’ll never succeed!”
Of course, everyone dreams of a bright, bright and comfortable future. But believing in it is not always easy – especially if failures are pouring in from all sides. Decadent thoughts immediately begin to creep into your head: “I will never achieve anything, I will never succeed in anything and I will die in poverty.”
The likelihood that this will happen will be much higher if you continue to scold yourself.
Scientists surveyed 117 athletes, each of whom was given instructions on how to conduct an internal dialogue. Some of the participants gave themselves instructions that were not emotionally charged, athletes from the second group tried to motivate themselves. The third group praised themselves, the fourth scolded and intimidated. The indicators did not differ much from each other, but athletes from the first three groups still demonstrated higher athletic results and were more confident in themselves than those who criticized themselves.
If you really want to despair and doubt yourself, you can do it in a more gentle form: “Yes, I understand that I may fail. But this is no reason not to try. In any case, I will gain valuable experience from this story.”
7. “I missed such an opportunity! I could have tried a little harder!”
Sometimes impressive earnings, interesting offers and useful contacts slip away from us. Sometimes we ourselves are to blame for this, and sometimes circumstances just work out that way. But before you sink into regret, remember that failures happen to absolutely everyone.
For example, the hashtag #мененевзили was once popular on social networks . Under it, a variety of people, even successful and famous ones, told how they failed when applying to a university, getting a job, or during important negotiations.
So, before you sigh about what you missed and beat yourself up, try to express this thought differently: “I didn’t succeed here. So I’ll grieve a little, and then I’ll analyze my mistakes and work on them.” You can also remember what happened in your life because of the “failure.” For example, if you had been hired for your dream job, you wouldn’t have gotten a job at a small company and met your soulmate there.
8. “They always succeed. Unlike me…”
I wonder if there is a single person in the world who hasn’t been compared to others since childhood? Petya has already eaten his porridge, but you haven’t. Masha got an A, but you got a C. All your classmates are already married, but you’ll still be sitting alone.
Of course, we get used to the fact that there are always some Mashas and Petyas around who are a priori better than us. And we persistently compare ourselves to them, hoping that we are not inferior to them in anything. And, of course, we often lose the comparison, because someone else’s grass is always greener.
Instead of envying others and harshly scolding yourself, look at the situation from a different angle: “He tried hard, and this is what he came up with. I have a lot to learn from him.” There is enough success, money and love in the world for each of us.