Have you dared to have your own opinion? Let’s not change it, so as not to accidentally cause discomfort to others. We’re joking, we’re not in the book “Bad Advice”. We’re talking about situations when changing your opinion is completely normal. And when it’s not so normal.
New knowledge has appeared
We draw conclusions based on the data available here and now. And then we learn something new, the picture is completed, and our opinion may change. After all, it is very difficult to form an opinion about poetry when we do not yet know the letters.
For example, people quickly form an initial opinion of a person based on their appearance. If they seem attractive , we are more likely to find them interesting or funny. This cognitive bias is called the halo effect. As we observe further, we may notice that the person is attractive but behaves toxicly or is a walking red flag . Our opinion of that person changes: new data has emerged that is hard to ignore.
The modern world requires us to evaluate everything around us, and preferably quickly. There is nothing wrong with returning to the question later and taking another look: was the opinion really not hasty? However, this is not always necessary. Sometimes the first glance is enough to separate the dangerous from the safe, the tasty from the tasteless, the disgusting from the attractive.
New experience gained
Not only does knowledge change, but also how we deal with it. For example, a person grew up and realized that he doesn’t like Twilight that much . The film itself remained the same, he just watched a hundred other films and realized that vampire sagas are not his thing. His opinion changed.
Over time, new rating scales emerge. First, you drink three-in-one coffee, and then you distinguish the notes of berries in the filter . Not only does the coffee change: you yourself train yourself to notice the new and unusual.
When we gain diverse experience, our opinions often change. There are more points of view from which to look at the problem. For example, your younger brother is arguing with his parents because they won’t let him hang out with his friends. You remember how upsetting it was as a child that adults left you at home while other peers were having fun. At first, your parents are wrong. But then you look at the same situation from your current position. And you see new facets: friends with questionable habits, inviting you behind the garages, no longer seem so attractive. And your brother’s harmless walk with friends ceases to be a safe adventure in your eyes.
Values have changed
We not only learn new things and gain new experiences, but we also change ourselves. People gain self-confidence, search for their own path and values, from which their opinion is based.
For example, at first you didn’t like vegetables because they were tasteless, unlike candy. Now you are more tolerant of them because they contain a lot of fiber, and candy spoils your teeth. On the one hand, these are new inputs, on the other hand, your values have changed. “Eat deliciously” has transformed into “eat deliciously and take care of your health.”
Fighting stereotypes
Opinions are often based on stereotypes ingrained in culture or family.
Perhaps, in your parents’ family, it was accepted that your mother sits with the children, works, looks after the house and still manages to do some cross-stitching. She doesn’t complain, your dad encourages her, and you grow up with this for a long time. You get the idea: it looks like you should live like this too. Then you read books, articles, visit friends who have it different. And their mother looks happier, and their dad is involved in all household processes . Doubts creep in: you increasingly come across articles about a woman’s “second shift” , you try out parental life “on yourself” and understand that you are overwhelmed. It seems that being a wife, and a worker, and a housewife , and a mother is not the ideal female path. Opinions change.
Hundreds of messages from loved ones about female and male roles, abstract “duties” and traditions are rethought and tested on personal experience. Other people’s rules can greatly influence opinion, and having escaped from their oppression, a person may not agree with them.
Conformism
Conformity is when a person changes their opinion or behavior to fit in with the majority opinion . This can happen because of obvious pressure: until now, for differing views, one could be known as a “stifler” or even face someone else’s anger. Researchers suspect that conformity was given to us by evolution.
There is nothing wrong with conformism itself. The problem is that if you rely too much on someone else’s opinion, you can lose yourself. It will be very difficult to remember where your personal opinion is and where the opinion of the majority that was imposed is. Sometimes conformism takes absurd forms: there were studies where people made mistakes in a task with an obvious answer because they simply agreed with the opinion of the group.
Desire to get closer
People adjust their opinions to others to be liked. For example, a person says that he loves licorice only because a significant person adores it. After all, you really want to find all the points of rapprochement! A terrible licorice hater “changed his shoes” and became a fan, betraying his anti-licorice crowd.
There are relatively harmless lies that can be easily checked at the nearest marmalade shop. But if the lie is global, the person goes too far in their “adjustment to the environment”. This is no longer safe. Lies can accumulate and become more and more confusing. It takes a lot of effort to maintain a fictitious story. And those around you usually sooner or later notice that the person does not correspond to the image that they create around themselves. It is not always easy to come to terms with this – a serious distortion of views can cause a break in relations.
A way to avoid conflicts
In order to maintain closeness with others, a person can hide his true opinion or smooth over its radicality. In this way, he tries to avoid conflict, save energy and spare his nerves. If with conformism the opinion can really change, then here a person rather puts on a mask of “normality” by the standards of the environment.
It is enough to remember gatherings with relatives, where a simple phrase “I don’t want children” can kindle a fire of hatred. You can take a short but dangerous path for the relationship – say honestly that it is none of their business and, in fact, this is reproductive violence. Or you can hide your opinion or deliberately forge it to suit the demands of the environment. Here it is important to find a balance between preserving yourself and relationships with loved ones. First of all, there should be care for yourself.
The opinion didn’t change, I just managed to express it.
People around you may accuse you of changing your opinion, even if it hasn’t changed, but has simply become public for the first time. There are often stories where children eat dishes with some hated ingredient their whole lives, which their parents refuse to remove or deliberately grind to hide. For example, boiled onions. A person grows up and one day, while visiting their parents, honestly says that they hate onions in soup with all their heart. The parents gasp and are indignant: they always ate it, why did they keep quiet? But no one kept quiet: either the child’s opinion was ignored, or it was difficult to express in childhood due to fear and shame.
When is changing your mind not okay?
Changing your mind can sometimes hurt other people or make relationships confusing. For example, you have expressed a specific opinion more than once, and before an important situation it changes in the opposite direction. This is difficult to cope with for those who took your opinion into account and hoped for it: it seemed like you had a match, but in the end it was a “set-up”.
It is also difficult when opinions change quickly and often. This also confuses and deceives people. They do not know what to expect from a person: today he thinks one thing, and tomorrow another. It is more difficult to rely on him and generally sympathize with him.
A special story when the opinion changes without reason. This can be a manifestation of nonconformism, when a person does anything to defend his opinion and uniqueness. He has the right to do so, but a constant position “against everyone” can tire everyone around.
It must be acknowledged that changing one’s opinion and speaking out about it requires a certain amount of courage. Including the courage to face the consequences, especially if people, work, relationships, and other areas of life depend on one’s opinion.