The whole point of gaslighting is to literally make you not believe your eyes. Here is a list of situations where you must fight for the right to soberly assess the situation for the sake of your mental health.
You are used to hiding other people’s mistakes.
Let’s imagine a situation where you are held solely responsible for the failure of a project. And this is despite the fact that during the process you repeatedly asked for help and tried to agree on alternative options, but did not receive support. Now you are told that none of this happened – and if they acknowledge the fact of your requests, it turns out that the fault, again, is on you. Like, you did not convey the full importance of the issue or expressed yourself incomprehensibly. This is gaslighting – to make you doubt your own adequacy. Someone, of course, benefits from this – to make you a scapegoat. To avoid this – get used to recording all agreements in writing: we promise, you will still love email!
One of your colleagues is dissatisfied with your work by default
Sometimes, you can get a vacancy “for growth,” and then your colleagues can really tolerate some inconvenience while you learn right on the job. But if you are absolutely sure that you have done an excellent job, and one of your colleagues does not skimp on caustic criticism, this is another alarming sign of gaslighting at work. Try to figure out what the source of the bullying benefits from — perhaps you are competing for a promotion or by chance you got the ill-wisher’s “favorite” seat by the window. If the devaluation of achievements comes from the mouth of the management, perhaps they are trying to save money on you. In general, further steps depend on understanding the situation. And sometimes the best solution is to directly ask what the problem is.
ou are confronted with an “alternative truth”
Gaslighters rarely allow themselves to lie brazenly, but regularly resort to manipulation without the slightest shame. Over time, you may find that your own vision never coincides with the gaslighter’s “alternative truth.” Seemingly insignificant details are distorted or simply overlooked, but the final interpretation of events causes genuine surprise in you. This can often happen with superiors, whose authority will not allow you to object. It is even worse when the gaslighter offers you and your colleagues deliberately different versions of what happened – it is almost useless to fight this, think about changing the work team.
Burnout is the new normal
The same job with different people can be perceived in a completely different way – in one case, you get a feeling of deep satisfaction even from the most difficult tasks, in another – you are on the verge of hysteria, barely coping with the most basic. If you understand that a certain person has made you hate what you previously coped with with enthusiasm, we are probably talking about gaslighting. It seems that someone benefits (or is simply interested in) making your life unbearable. This often happens with clients, and you should not keep silent about difficulties – it is in the interests of the company that you remain motivated and effective. Explain that the situation is serious and this is not an empty whim.
You feel like the whole team doesn’t like you.
Psychological abuse is not always obvious. So, your colleague-friend may well be a source of gaslighting, worse than your obvious enemies and rivals. Do you think that the whole team is against you? First, think about why you have such an opinion and whether there are objective reasons for it. Mere rumors from a friend are not a reason to draw conclusions. Perhaps you are deliberately isolated from other colleagues in order to use you for their own purposes. So do not be deceived by the unexpected friendliness of the office gossip. Try to establish connections with as many colleagues as possible – at least business ones. After all, you came to earn money, not friends.
Your complaints are not taken seriously.
If you, without suspecting anything, find yourself in the reserve of an aggressive corporate culture, most often there can be only one way out – to look for a new job before you collect a collection of psychological traumas. An example of such a situation can be a total disregard for complaints, deafness to your problems, and the most unpleasant – a typical solution to any controversial situation not in your favor. In other words, if the victim is always to blame in the organization, you will not be able to fix the situation alone. The opinion of one against the opinion of the majority means nothing. Therefore, if you are not ready to leave – try to find allies among your colleagues.
Promises are worth nothing
Even if you have agreed on all the terms in advance and even recorded them in the contract, the gaslighter may deny the obvious. For example, when you were hired, you were promised not to have shifts on weekends, but in the process it turned out that everyone works on weekends and “they couldn’t have told you that.” Or the boss promised a bonus for completing unrelated tasks, but when it came to payments, he seemed to have forgotten about that conversation. If you regularly encounter such situations, it is important to defend your interests. Make decisions based on the understanding that what was said has no power, instead of hoping for a miracle once again