Talking about sex is not always easy! We have seen an increasing number of searches for tips from sexologists. Many people have been educated not to talk about it or express their feelings. However, good sex, pleasure and relationships are themes that arouse the interest of thousands of people.
Realizing that we had little relevant content on the topic, I decided to research, talk to professionals in the field and write an article with tips from sexologists for a healthier and more satisfying sex life.
Many couples are uncomfortable talking about intimate matters, especially when they involve tastes or preferences after being together for a long time. Sometimes, what was working, now doesn’t work anymore! There is no shame in expressing this.
Has attraction for a partner diminished? Do you feel like having more sex? Do you feel like trying out new positions, toys, costumes or something else? If, despite several internal questions, you do not know exactly what to do, perhaps a sexologist is the ideal professional to help you.
We have separated some tips from sexologists for you!
To give a boost, I talked to Vittude sexologists and asked them to share their tips to spice up a relationship! Come with me to check out the tips.
- Experience new sensations
To begin with, try to imagine sexual intercourse beyond the penis and the vagina . A study published by cortex magazine , specializing in brain and mental processes, identified several sensitive points in our body.
For obvious reasons, the clitoris and penis are at the top of the list. However, there are other areas of pleasure that can be stimulated by touch, including:
- Nipples;
- Mouth and lips;
- Ears;
- Nape;
- Inner thighs; and
- Lower back.
The study data suggests that men and women can be excited by touching any of these erogenous zones. So, try to experience a caress in the regions above. It’s worth a kiss, the tip of the tongue, nibbles, a light touch with your fingertips or even using objects like a feather.
The skin, in general, is extremely erogenous. Explore every inch of your body and the body of the other, recommends Psychologist Andressa Crema , a specialist in sexuality, love conflicts and sexual dysfunctions.
- Stop autopilot
When we have been with the same partner for some time, it is easy to enter “autopilot” mode. If you’ve ever been there, you should know that it is as unattractive as it looks.
If every sexual encounter you have with your partner involves exactly the same two or three positions, you are missing moments of relaxation and limiting how much pleasure you and your partner can experience together.
To improve this, a sexologist tip is to make a list of new positions to be tried. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, often, dating in other rooms in the house can make a difference. Using spaces such as the living room, kitchen, pool, garden can increase desire and libido.
Having sex at a different time of the day, unexpectedly, adding a toy or even wearing more sensual clothes can spice up that moment. Synchronizing your breath with your partner’s can also increase pleasure and create a sense of connection.
Some couples spend years with “mom and dad” and suddenly, with the help of a sexologist, they find out that their partner secretly wanted the same things as them, but was uncomfortable talking about it.
“As the bed has already been conditioned by you as a resting place, you can use your creativity so that it becomes an erotic space again. Installing a low light, red or yellow, that will only be turned on when you have sex, for example, can help your mind to relate this new stimulus to sex ”, recommends psychologist Andressa.
Dating on the beach is an excellent tip!
- Talk about sex after sex
Instead of rolling to the side and falling asleep after sex, next time try to talk about your preferences. Share your fantasies , your feelings, take this moment to enjoy your partner and talk about what you liked. Breathe during sex. Be in the present moment and notice your sensations.
Use your imagination as much as possible. Your brain is your largest sexual organ. Thinking about what excites you not only helps to intensify your sexual experience, it also excites you a lot, leading to better sex.
It is worth mentioning that while many people assume that fantasies involve something extraordinary like submission or orgies, one of our sexologists says that fantasy can be as simple as filling the room with chocolates.
- Use and abuse lubricants
Lubricant can be a big change factor for many couples. There are many reasons why a woman may experience low vaginal lubrication:
- Use of birth control pills;
- Stress ;
- Dehydration;
- Aging and menopause.
The truth is that, even with great excitement, the lubricant can make the meeting more pleasant. One study looked at 2,451 women and their perceptions of the lubricant. Women concluded that the lubricant made orgasm easier and preferred sex when it was wetter.
If you’ve never bought a lubricant, one tip is to stay away from oil-based lubricants. Unless you are in a safe relationship , trying to get pregnant or otherwise protected, avoid oil-based lubricants as the oil can break the latex in condoms.
Use a silicone based lubricant. Look for products that do not contain glycerin or sugar. Both ingredients can change the pH of the vagina and lead to yeast infections.
It is worth remembering that most household products are not good lubricant substitutes. Avoid shampoo, conditioner, butter, olive oil, petroleum jelly and coconut oil, even if they are slippery.
- Explore your body
If you don’t use your body today, you will lose it! Discovering your body is one of the tips of sexologists that could not be missing. Touching yourself and exploring what works for you has many health benefits: it helps to de-stress, increases blood flow to the genitals (which is imperative for healthy sexual functioning), improves the response and intensity of orgasm.
Knowing your own body is the starting point for full sexual fulfillment. Masturbation can be a powerful ally in this process – especially for women.
According to data from the Sexuality Project of the University of São Paulo (Prosex), at the Faculty of Medicine of the University of São Paulo (USP), more than half of them (55.6%) have difficulty reaching orgasm . Upon meeting, the woman will discover where and how she likes to be touched or caressed.
- Take care of self-esteem
Sex, self-esteem , physical and mental health are totally interconnected. Insecurity with the body, for example, can interfere with libido and the desire to have sex.
On the other hand, concerns about other aspects of life, such as work and everyday stress can also help to cool your relationship. First of all, the first and most important step is to be well with you. Taking care of yourself and feeling comfortable with the mirror image is essential.
According to Psychologist Ana Paula Dias , a specialist in couples care, self-esteem and sex is totally related. In order to have sexual desire, I see that it is important to feel that we are desirable, but it starts with us, with the fact that we are well with ourselves.
Knowing how to deal with our failures. To be able to perceive value in what we have, instead of keeping an eye on what we do not have, in the standard in which we do not fit.
Self-esteem is all about feeling happy and fulfilled. Dancing to a song you love, in the middle of the room, can be a great time to vent and lessen shyness .
- When the desire comes, do not close the door for him
According to Giovane Oliveira, sexologist and psychologist at Vittude , in the daily life of marriage or living together, it can happen that sex is in the background. Sometimes we even get lost among the various activities and routine responsibilities, like taking care of the house, thinking about shopping and the week’s schedule.
During these activities, desire and lust may appear in one of the partners, and if this occurs, do not wait until later. In other words, sex and married life are as important as other activities.
When we do not allow space for the desire to flow, it is natural for resistances to be built, and sex can become ritualized. Thus, the unplanned is part, it can arouse more desire and give more pleasure.
It also leads us to think about ‘scheduled sex’ in marriage. Through the rush and, with each new activity we take on, it may happen that an individual sees sex as another item to be planned and fulfilled, as if it were really a task. Make room for your desire!
This point is sometimes common among couples who are trying to conceive, who are so determined that they end up incurring automatic and unpleasant sexual activity. However, in some cases it can lead to erectile difficulty in men, in view of the high demand and obligation that sex starts to assume.
