Sometimes life has unpleasant surprises in store. It is impossible to foresee everything, but it is quite possible to help yourself cope with stress. We will tell you about behavior techniques in a difficult situation that cannot be changed right now.
PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
Marsha Linehan, the founder of Dialectical Behavior Therapy, offers a seven-step approach to helping you get through difficult moments in your life. The goal of her approach is to develop a set of skills that will help you cope with difficult events and emotions when you can’t change the stressful situation .
When I first read Marsha Linehan’s claim that anyone can “distract themselves” with a few steps, I chuckled. Acceptance through distraction—are you kidding? But most of my daily life struggles were actually made worse by my relentless resistance to difficult situations, conflicts, and unpleasant emotions.
At a certain point they would cover me completely and I couldn’t do anything about it.
Distracting myself with other constructive and worthwhile options is a step toward acceptance and coping. Keeping my body and mind occupied with other activities does not mean that I approve of the event that made me angry, upset, or scared. But it does provide an opportunity to redirect my energy in a more productive direction.
STRATEGIES
In any case, a difficult situation, no matter what it is – a divorce, problems at work, a friend’s illness – is a reality that I inevitably have to accept. So here are seven ways to distract yourself, using the Marsha Linehan method.
- Employment
Exercise, take up a hobby, call a friend or visit her. What activities give you energy? What options do you have? Will you put on your running shoes and go for a run ? Or will you take up knitting? Do you enjoy taking care of houseplants? Or do you prefer to spend the evening watching movies or playing with your children?
- Help
Help someone. Volunteer. Give back. Do you have a “higher purpose”? Is there something you can do to help society beyond your regular job duties? In a TED talk, Stanford psychologist Kelly McGonigal cites research that shows that people who reach out to and care about others cope better with stress and live longer.
- Comparison
Compare yourself to people who are doing as well as you, or worse. Unlike dangerous forms of social comparison that lower your self-esteem , this option has the opposite effect. “This isn’t the worst moment in my life. I’ve gotten through much tougher situations than this.” Comparison allows you to put your little woes into perspective.
- Opposite emotions
Trigger other emotions in yourself, such as a horror movie, a humorous book, or a comedy. What makes you laugh? Your silly, slobbery dog? Your two-year-old? An impromptu family dance party? Your favorite TV show or stand-up comedian? What brings you joy?
- Disconnection
Leave the situation for a while and disconnect from it. This exercise will help you to avoid further worries and getting stuck in the situation. Some psychologists suggest setting aside a special time for worries , for example, 30 minutes a day. The rest of the time, do your own thing.
- Other thoughts
Count to ten. Count the colors in a painting or on a tree. Do a puzzle. Sometimes it’s easier said than done, but there are many tools and techniques for cognitive reappraisal. Reframe your perspective on a situation and think about something else – it will do you good.
- Strong sensations
Hold ice in your hand. Squeeze a rubber ball tightly. There are many healthy and attractive options: sexual activity, loud music, an invigorating workout, a very hot shower.