Every relationship is unique, but they still have something in common: the desire to live together happily ever after. However, not everyone succeeds in achieving this. This is also indicated by divorce statistics . And happiness is different for everyone. Nevertheless, there are several rules that can help establish harmonious relationships where both are comfortable and safe.
You are already in a harmonious relationship if…
In a harmonious relationship, both feel safe . There is no such thing as one partner dominating the other. People in a couple respect each other’s decisions and are ready to change the relationship for the better. And you can always leave this relationship without fear of persecution and threats.
Researchers have identified several universal signs of harmonious relationships in a couple.
- Trust. Both people treat each other well . They feel comfortable and safe in the relationship. You can tell your partner a lot and get support.
- Openness to each other.In a relationship, you can be yourself . There is no need to hide anything or change for your partner. You can share important things in a comfortable way and discuss different things without fear of condemnation.
- Changing love.Relationships start with infatuation and passion. Over the years, love can change, become less intense, but deeper. All types of love are normal and cool in their own way.
- Healthy boundaries.Don’t merge with your partner, but remain an individual in the relationship. Set boundaries for yourself and don’t put pressure on others. For some, knowing the passwords to their partner’s phone is an important element of trust, for others it’s a complete taboo and a violation of boundaries .
- Mutual respect.Respect is the basis of any harmonious relationship. It means appreciating your partner, accepting them, treating them with kindness and understanding.
- Communication in a couple.The partners discuss problems without accusations , treat each other with understanding. Both focus on solving the problem, and not on fighting with each other.
- Balance. Relationships are built on reciprocity. Partners take care of each other, share responsibilities , and accept support. If there are excesses, they either suit both or are temporary. For example, when one partner is sick, the other takes on his or her responsibilities. And vice versa.
Rules for harmonious relationships and small steps towards them
It is important that both partners take small steps. If only one of the two parties works to build harmony in the relationship, something is wrong.
Be responsive to each other
Responsiveness in a relationship is how attentive partners are to each other’s needs, moods, goals, and values. This is especially important when troubles come into one of your lives.
Small steps:
- listen to your partner if he is upset;
- don’t avoid discussing important topics;
- show empathy for the condition of your loved one;
- Do simple, comfortable things: bring a blanket, make tea, watch your favorite movie together.
Pay attention to the little things and the good moments
American researcher Barbara Fredrickson described positive resonance in relationships. It consists of pleasant emotions experienced by both partners, mutual care and concern. Resonance strengthens relationships and makes them better, regardless of how long people have been together. It is always important to look for opportunities for warm communication with your partner.
Small steps:
- give sincere compliments;
- thank your partner for what he has done;
- use cute nicknames;
- create small, pleasant rituals: having breakfast together, going to the movies on weekends, buying chocolate on the way home, exchanging reels with the signature “we”;
- Remember what you have already experienced: look at photographs, celebrate anniversaries.
Maintain physical intimacy
To love is to want to touch. Research confirms the importance of touch in relationships. This includes sex .
Small steps:
- hug;
- kiss;
- stroke your partner’s head, shoulders, knees;
- touch each other in any format that is comfortable for both of you.
Talk about difficulties and solve them together
Difficulties arise in any relationship. It is important not to avoid them, but to talk about them out loud so that you can solve them together. This makes the relationship clearer, leaving no room for omissions. Support and focus on a common enemy called “a big and scary problem” help solve difficulties faster and with fewer losses. You are one team. Set yourself up for cooperation: it is easier to survive crises together .
Small steps:
- stay close to your partner, don’t run away from contact when difficulties arise;
- try to voice your feelings directly, speaking about them as facts: “I’m angry now…”, “I’m sad now…”;
- discuss different things, including difficult topics;
- offer and accept help in business;
- tune in to cooperation and support, discuss what to do in a stressful situation – pat on the head, feed food, solve the problem.
Take steps towards understanding each other
We are talking about the openness of the partner’s inner world. The more we know, the easier it is for us to understand what is happening. Imagine that you are drawing an endless diagram or map , where you mark important points in your partner’s life, their tastes, interests, hobbies. You have the same map. Share how you are built, what you have seen, what you have experienced. Do it at a comfortable pace.
Small steps:
- take an interest in each other’s hobbies, tastes and values;
- ask questions about how your partner lived before meeting you and what his plans are for the future;
- play self-disclosure games where both of you have to answer questions about yourself;
- go on dates without phones and discuss everything around you;
- Tell us about yourself and how you see the world.
Share responsibility
Both partners are responsible for the cleanliness and comfort of the house, the financial budget, and raising children. They can be divided in a comfortable way, changing the “dose” of responsibility, but not putting everything on one. Force majeure can break the agreements, that’s okay. The main thing is to remember that everything should return to its place and remain comfortable for both partners.
Small steps:
- make a list of things that need to be done on a regular basis: take out the trash, buy groceries, cook food, take care of animals;
- discuss things that are comfortable for everyone: someone likes to cook, someone loves to vacuum;
- share the remaining responsibilities;
- Keep your agreements and don’t let the other partner down;
- thank each other for the comfort that you both contribute to.
Value trust
Without trust, it is impossible to be in contact with a person – you will want to run away or see danger in everything. Usually, people who have entered into a relationship trust each other. But there are situations when trust is destroyed. Anything that can hurt a partner can also break trust.
Small steps:
- Keep your agreements: if you promised to do something, try to do it;
- talk about your couple’s boundaries, outline the “red zones” that violate safety: cheating, betrayal, ignoring and everything that is important to you;
- try to avoid secrets and omissions.