Some couple habits, however commonly accepted and for many “normal”, have nothing to do with love. Find out what they are!
Some dating habits have nothing to do with love . Take note of what they are because if your report has any, you have things to improve!
Relationships are complex and always pose new challenges. There are also many relationship habits that are widely accepted as normal , but which are actually toxic and very unhealthy.
Books, films and TV have taught us that true love should be dramatic and unstable. In most romantic movies, the perfect partner always goes through moments and scenes of jealousy, infidelity and quarrels. The members of the couple separate and suffer, until those who have committed all the abuses repent and only find serenity when they have finally regained their loved one.
This idea repeated countless times in our mind creates wrong expectations about love , because it leads us to believe that this type of behavior is normal. It is not so.
True love, strong and real, has nothing to do with instability, constant quarrels and grand gestures. It is built little by little. With mutual commitment, understanding and acceptance. There is and shouldn’t be any drama. Challenges are handled relatively safely and calmly.
Do you want to know what habits are all too often accepted, but which are actually not healthy? We list them below.
1. Intense arguments imbued with passion
Discussions between members of the couple are necessary and to some extent normal. Necessary because they allow us to express what is not right and to set limits . And normal because in human relationships there are and always will be disagreements. But how do we fight with our partner? With insults, screams and for an unlimited time?
We have the misconception that after a rather intense discussion there should always be an equally intense and passionate reconciliation. However, intense conflict is not a sign of love. Instead, it is a sign of serious and deep-seated problems such as immaturity, insecurity and emotional abuse.
2. Don’t verbalize feelings and emotions
Avoiding conflict at all costs and swallowing your feelings is also a sign that things are not going the way they should. If you can’t tell your partner how you feel, if you can’t share your fears, anxieties, and what’s bothering you, pay attention. Repressing thoughts and emotions is the perfect recipe for ending because seemingly small problems tend to grow over time. Then it will be more and more difficult to solve them.
Differences of opinion in a relationship are normal. So, being able to talk about it to find commonalities is very important. Couples who avoid conflict don’t know how to solve problems together. And putting aside what is bothering creates the false feeling that everything is going great when in reality it is not. ‘ Leslie Becker-Phelps, psychologist.
3. Expect the partner to solve all our problems
This happens very often, but it shouldn’t. We tend to believe that the other must fill our void to make us feel whole and complete . It must meet our expectations and solve all our problems. But this can generate a lot of frustration because no one has an obligation to make us happy.
Our happiness, our fulfillment, and our well-being depend solely on us. Delegating them to someone will only end up generating insecurity, emotional dependence, and a constant need for approval.
Jealousy is not the measure of love. In a moderate way, jealousy is usually part of relationships because it represents the fear of losing a loved one. Harmless jealousy is usually temporary. It is a feeling that does not harm the life of a couple. However, when this fear of loss becomes an obsession and generates exaggerated possession, it is called pathological jealousy.
Being with someone extremely jealous is exhausting and toxic because it is not possible to maintain a healthy and balanced coexistence. Often, the high level of possessiveness ends up destroying the relationship.
5. Check each other’s online behavior
Many people believe that it is normal to spy on their partner’s cell phone, email or social networks to see if there is anything suspicious. However, just because you share your life with someone doesn’t mean their independence and privacy shouldn’t be respected.
Healthy relationships require absolute trust . And those who trust have no reason to believe they have been deceived. If you feel the need to stalk your partner, you should work on your self-esteem and insecurities, or even reconsider the relationship.
6. Mocking the other (heavily)
It’s normal and even healthy for couples to make fun of each other, but there is a difference between making fun and making jokes that hurt the other person. Making fun of the other can be a way to increase intimacy and make living together more fun. However, depending on your tone of voice, body language and intention, they can also turn into contempt and disrespect.
7. Punish with silence
This is a very common behavior of those who take a passive aggressive attitude . The passive aggressive is the typical person who does not respond to messages, pretends to forget what they have been told, does not speak honestly and does not pay full attention when the other person tries to confront him / her.
He does not express what he feels when he is angry, because he prefers to “punish with silence” and wait for the other to ask him what’s wrong or wait for him to apologize for something he may not be sure he did.