We all love to talk about ourselves and respond to interest in our person. However, a number of seemingly harmless questions can push people away from you and make them avoid conversations in the future.
Aren’t you tired of living in a rented apartment?
If real estate were given away to everyone who wanted it, this question would make more sense. The interest in the topic is understandable, but the wording of the question is obviously unsuccessful. Either the person does not have the opportunity to buy their own home, or is not ready to get involved in a mortgage for decades to come. Or maybe the interlocutor values flexibility and prefers to change their place of residence regularly? Whatever the case, after such questions you don’t want to talk at all.
Have you ever thought about having children?
When relatives inquire about plans to expand the family, they can still be forgiven: this is an extremely pressing issue, especially for the older generation, who can’t wait to babysit their grandchildren. Family matters do not concern a stranger. Your love for tactless questions sets your interlocutors against communication.
What are you doing?
This question is often used to break the ice when the situation suggests the possibility of communicating with a stranger. Of course, it is boring to discuss the weather, but do not rush to get specific. If you have decided to transfer the topic to the professional sphere, start with yourself. And the interlocutor, if desired, will support the topic. Too obvious interest in the profession creates the impression that you are making acquaintances only for the sake of benefit, and can put a person in an awkward position who has nothing to brag about.
And what attracted you to him?
In a confidential conversation with a friend, sharing the nuances of your personal life is completely normal, the main thing is not to cross the line between interest and condemnation. No one is forcing your friend’s chosen one on you, so criticism will at best be interpreted as envy, and at worst, your interlocutor will avoid talking to you in the future. If you really can’t live peacefully without an answer to the question, it is better to choose a different wording. For example, “What qualities do you value in him?”
Are you by any chance sick?
Good intentions and concern for the other person’s well-being do not make this question truly harmless. It sounds like a hint at poor appearance, which is even more offensive if the interlocutor feels better than ever. It would be more appropriate to clarify how the person feels, if there are real grounds to suspect malaise, or to inquire about their mood. If desired, the interlocutor admits that he feels unwell.
There’s probably no end to your fans?
In situations where it is implied that such a girl must be popular with men, such questions are sometimes passed off as a compliment. Even worse is the question, “Such a beauty and not married?” Just like questions about having children, marriage is a purely personal topic. Neither the sympathy of many acquaintances nor outstanding external data guarantee a successful relationship. But hostility after such questions will not take long to appear.
You lost weight?
If you want to compliment someone on their appearance, use the affirmative form without hesitation. Otherwise, it will seem like you are not sure whether the person looks good or not. Also, if you are wrong in your assumption, it may be unpleasant for the person to publicly admit that their weight has increased or remained within the previous values. The situation will be most unpleasant if the person has actually lost weight, but because they experienced something terrible that they would prefer not to discuss.