Gifts are one of the ways to show love in a relationship. But if you don’t receive them, it doesn’t mean that a man doesn’t love you. Together with Gestalt therapist and family psychologist Maria Ermolaeva, we figure out why a man doesn’t give gifts.
You don’t speak directly about your desires.
One of the common mistakes: a woman does not share with a man that she wants to receive gifts. She can use manipulation in the spirit of “look what my friend’s husband gave her” or think: “well, let him guess himself.” For example, a woman is embarrassed to ask for something or is ashamed to admit such a desire.
You don’t thank the man
Another mistake in relationships is to take your partner’s efforts and attention for granted. Perhaps the man has already given you gifts, but you did not thank him: did not say a sincere thank you or express your joy. In this case, he loses the motivation to do something nice for you, because he does not receive the proper return.
You are not equal in the relationship
On the one hand, a woman can be too self-sufficient. She always does everything herself and does not accept help. A man in such a relationship does not show up and does not take the initiative. And even if a woman changes over time, a man may not immediately adjust to a new way of life.
On the other hand, a woman can be too convenient. She tolerates and adapts, just so that the man is comfortable. In this case, he stops seeing value in the woman: why give her gifts if she agrees to everything anyway?
You are not ready to accept gifts
Perhaps you are stingy with yourself and do not notice it. For example, if in childhood you were deprived of care and attention. And in adulthood you habitually limit yourself: you try to buy things at a discount and do not even dream of expensive things. A man perceives such behavior as an example of attitude towards you and does not give gifts either.
Or you think that you have to pay for any gift. And if you are not ready to give anything in return, then you prefer to simply refuse gifts. Until the girl works through her attitudes and beliefs, this will be the case.
The man has this psychotype
The psychotype of a man who is not prone to giving gifts is epileptoid. Often these are people with a technical mindset. They are calm, they can even be considered constrained. They are reserved: they do not express emotions, do not give compliments and do not give gifts.
Another option is a paranoid psychotype. People with this type know how to calculate risks and make strategies. A paranoid man gives gifts, but does not do it right away: he needs to take a closer look at the woman, make sure that the feelings and intentions are mutual. And only then will he start giving gifts. And these will most likely be pragmatic, useful gifts, rather than flowers or jewelry.
This is how a man is brought up
He may not give gifts if he himself did not receive them in childhood. For example, one of the adults significant to him was greedy or for various reasons it was not customary to give something in the family. The man grew up, but the behavior pattern from childhood remained.
Another extreme in upbringing: a man, as a child, received everything: care, attention and gifts – and did not share it with anyone. This can happen in a family with one parent or one child. From childhood, a man gets used to taking, but not giving.