Let’s be honest girls, when we’re single we’re really quick to say “God, where’s my man?” I am ready to be in a relationship ”. However, when we finally come to one, the reality of being a girlfriend is, say, a little harder than we thought.
The truth is, just because you want to be in a relationship doesn’t mean you are ready to be. So if you are wondering “Am I ready for a relationship?” Then this article will help you figure it out.
5 signs you’re not ready for a relationship.
1 you are not above your ex
As a relationship coach , I work with a lot of women who have gone through a painful breakup and are now ready to return to the dating world. However, one thing I have learned from my job is that no matter how long you’ve been broken up with your ex unless you take conscious steps to overcome it, you are very likely to enter a relationship. rebound even years later.
Therefore, before entering into a new relationship, you really need to ask yourself if you are past your ex. Are you on the good times as well as the bad times? Do you still hold onto the pain or resentment of the relationship or the idea of what could have been?
Because, if you don’t take the necessary steps to heal the relationship, you won’t be able to connect with the new man in your life, and the relationship won’t last. So if you haven’t properly treated, eliminated, and healed from your last relationship, you are not yet ready for a new one.
2 You worry about the opinions of others
The most destructive thing you can do to yourself is to enter a relationship because of other people. Whether it’s your family members who like to remind you that you’re getting older or your friends who constantly connect you with guys they think are “cute”.
If you deeply believe that being in a relationship will help you gain their approval and respect, or if you subconsciously feel left out because everyone is in a relationship, then you have more inner work to do.
Because entering a relationship due to outside pressure is not only unfair to the guy who may have real feelings for you, but also a sign of insecurity.
3 you let your insecurities control you
Low self-esteem and insecurity can really play a game in our minds. Anytime you listen to your inner critic, without questioning your negative thoughts, you risk being controlled by them.
This is why the belief that a relationship will validate or give you value is one of the most underrated yet dangerous signs that you are not ready for a relationship. And one way to find out if this is you is to ask yourself if you believe that you need a man to be happy and enjoy your life.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married, however, if the desire is rooted in a feeling of emptiness or dissatisfaction with life, he becomes an idol. And then you run the risk of getting into unhealthy or even toxic relationships. Because if you don’t love yourself and feel confident in who you are, you will never feel comfortable and scorned in a relationship and therefore subconsciously sabotage the relationship.
Therefore, you will only be truly ready for a relationship if you can find joy outside of a man. You have to become the one now, that you can attract later.
4 You lack vision / purpose
Many of us girls grow up with a clear vision for our marriage, our future husbands and our children. However, we often lack a vision or purpose for our lives outside of this. While playing at home and envisioning your romantic life is a good thing, it becomes a problem if you don’t know what you want your life to look like outside of it.
Without an idea of what you need and want from a man and a relationship, you are investing (wasting) time in relationships that are unsatisfying and going nowhere. You will date men in cities where you don’t intend to live, you will date men who want a housewife even though you like to work, and you will date men who do not want to marry until in your late thirties even if you want to be a new wife / mother.
This is why if you are dating only for dating, with no goal behind it, it is a clear sign that you are not yet ready for a relationship.
5 you idolize marriage
I want you to be honest with yourself. Are the majority of your prayers prayers for your future husband? Are most of your sad moments triggered by a feeling of loneliness? Then you might idolize the marriage and the relationship, which is not a good starting point for attracting love.
The truth is, relationships are no cure for loneliness. Even though love, affection, and companionship are noble things to desire, they are not the answer to your feelings of dissatisfaction and will not fill your void.
Because if you allow unhappiness and desperation to be the decision maker, you will repeatedly get into relationships with the wrong men and break your heart more often than necessary.
So if you are feeling lonely and bored and believe that a relationship could fix it, then you are definitely not ready for a relationship.
Did any of the signs that you are not ready for a relationship resonate with you? If so, then ask yourself “Do I want a relationship, or am I alone?”. Once you identify your core beliefs about what it means to be single and what it means to be in a relationship, you will know what you need to work on. Because it only takes a few minor changes in mentality to become relational material.
How to become a relational material
Now that you know the signs that you’re not ready for a relationship, it’s important to know how to prepare. And the first step is to look at yourself and determine if your beliefs, attitudes, and behaviors make you a good partner.
While there is a limit to the self-development we can do as single women, we need to make sure we do as much as possible. The point is, one of the best things we can do for our future partner is to work on ourselves until we meet them.
So, make it a point to assess your beliefs, attitudes and behaviors by assessing the health of your current relationships.
By looking at what type of people you attract into your life, you can identify what your subconscious beliefs are about your self-worth. Do your family and friends treat you kindly or display toxic traits? You need to understand that your romantic relationship is not the only relationship in your life. Therefore, the same patterns that you observe in your romantic will often be repeated in your friendships. Because you are subconsciously allowing people with the same good or bad character traits into your life.
What are the emotions and feelings that govern your behavior? Do you find yourself acting out of fear or faith most of the time? By taking a closer look at your state of mind whenever you are in or out of control of a situation, you become more aware of your default reactions. Relationships are our ego’s playground, therefore, it is important that you learn to come back to peace so that you can respond rather than react.
Last but not least, I want you to watch how you respond to the people around you. Do you show love and appreciation to your friends and family? Do you speak to them with kindness and gratitude? Remember, you won’t miraculously change once you enter into a relationship. If you find it difficult to be vulnerable around your closest friends, chances are high that you will have a hard time opening up to a man. By incorporating healthy, supportive, and loving behaviors as a single woman, you successfully become relationship material.