One of the important topics of the new KION show “Happiness Clinic. Reality” is the disappearance of intimate relationships at some point in the romance. The project’s experts – psychologists, sexologists and endocrinologists – are sure that in order to find harmony in a partnership, you need to not only take care of your physical health and mental state, but also be open to dialogue with your loved one. We asked psychologist Yulia Derdo, a specialist in the “Happiness Clinic. Reality” project, to share useful tips on how to feel satisfied with your intimate life again.
Why Passion Disappears
The first thing that ignites passion is our hormonal factory. When we see someone suitable for us to continue the family line and receive a signal that we are desired, our body begins to produce dopamine and endorphins. Because of this, we feel simply great, we are in love and have a hard time falling asleep. In a state of high arousal, a person is not able to function, we would simply die of exhaustion if we were in this mode for a long time. Therefore, falling in love or passion accompanies the beginning of a relationship, usually a decline can be noticed after six months to a year, it lasts for about three years.
Dilute the ordinary with something new
Our brain is designed to constantly seek new pleasures. That’s why we look for new interesting TV series, want to go to a newly opened restaurant and go on a trip. The same is with the sexual aspect of life. But here I do not suggest changing someone and thinking about breaking up, our task is to look at it from the outside and dilute the routine. It’s not about dressing up or role-playing, but about simply spending time: I suggest going to a club with your partner and watching how he moves, dances; or you can visit your loved one’s workplace and see how other people look at him. This way you will find the good things that once made you fall in love.
Nighttime relationships are a continuation of daytime ones
It is important to rely on what is already in the couple. Intimate relationships are hindered by grievances, complaints, the feeling that we are not loved and accepted. It is difficult to seduce a person if he is offended by us, and to want someone if you are offended. Ask how your loved one is doing, what upset him today, rejoice at his successes. Intimacy ignites passionate tenderness.
Time to get excited
It seems that when you are in love, passion rages on its own, but in reality it does not. We prepare without realizing it: we imagined our partner, dressed up, sent messages about how we will look forward to the evening. In ordinary life, when we live together, we think about anything but each other and our closeness. Give your excitement time: start thinking in the morning about going somewhere, how special it will be. Remember the best moments and write to each other. When you meet, you will see that the eyes shine no less brightly than at the beginning of the relationship.
Games and Courage
Passion, adrenaline and drive are very close to the state of excitement, they are processed by almost the same areas of the brain. It is not for nothing that in the movies we are shown that people who have run to some point, won something or experienced the fear of death, throw themselves into each other’s arms. Start playing something that causes such an effect. You can start with joint sports activities, choose a gambling game: for example, each time take pictures of certain letters in different places, or women in a blue coat, or yellow flowers. The main thing is that the joint action excites you, that it is a competition. And then fun or a good sports load will turn into a pleasant pastime.
Excitement for two
Another way to awaken passion is to use some additional means. I am not talking about shopping in adult stores, but about practical psychology. When we imagine, watch or fantasize, our body begins to respond to our thoughts. People are physiological creatures, we react bodily to any psychological movement. Imagine how you chew a lemon, and now you want to grimace a little. Our task is to fantasize together about what brings pleasure and excitement to both you and your partner. You can turn on a film with a slight erotic slant, for example, the drama “The People vs. Larry Flynt” (1996) about the creator of an adult magazine. While you watch it together, the topic itself arises, and the biochemistry of the body will do everything for you.
In conclusion, I would like to say: in order to awaken passion, you should never chase after how it was, or try to do better, more and differently. The thirst at the beginning of a relationship is easily compensated by closeness, pleasure and depth, when you trust each other, when you are not afraid to show your body, your organism, when you allow yourself to experiment, kiss, not paying attention to anything. You can chat, lie around for hours, hug, and then suddenly feel the peak of excitement. Then it subsides, but you do not run anywhere and do not hurry. Do not compare with how it was, but just enjoy – you will never forget such sex, and it will give you the greatest and most real pleasure.