We have all felt insecure at some point in our lives. You’ve probably felt insecure more than once. Maybe you felt insecure the first time you got behind the wheel of a car, when you took an exam without studying enough, or before making a big decision in your life.
Insecurity is a feeling that warns us that we can make mistakes. When they are in doubt about the path to follow, we can experience a certain degree of insecurity. This insecurity is often accompanied by a feeling of unease and tension which can reach considerable proportions.
If we are unable to deal with the feeling of insecurity, it will continue to grow within us, paralyzing us more and more. Many people carry certain types of insecurities around for years, allowing it to dictate their decisions, limit their potentials, and shower them with frustration, guilt, and angst.
The 5 most common types of insecurities
Insecurity is a deeply personal experience, so there are as many types of insecurities as there are people. Insecurity can come from different sources and spread to multiple areas of our lives or even permeate it completely. But there are some fairly common types of personal insecurity that become the basis from which all other doubts, conflicts, and uncertainties spring.
- Insecurity in interpersonal relationships
This type of insecurity arises from the fear that others will hurt or disappoint us, so we don’t let go completely in relationships, but we maintain a certain emotional distance. That distance acts as a shield that keeps us “safe,” but also keeps others away.
People who are insecure in their relationships aren’t willing to show their vulnerabilities and don’t trust others completely. As a result, they tend to develop more superficial relationships in which they do not allow the other – be it a partner, close friend, or even children or parents – to get close enough for intimate contact between two souls to occur.
Insecurity in interpersonal relationships arises from an avoidant attachment. The person has difficulty expressing his emotions and is afraid of intimacy, so when he feels that the other is getting too close, he moves away. This insecurity and distrust ends up generating insecurity and distrust in the other as well, preventing the creation of a solid foundation for the relationship to bear fruit.
- Social insecurity
The person who experiences this type of insecurity has no problem relating to those who are part of their circle of trust , but usually avoids social contexts. She feels deeply uncomfortable in large groups or when interacting with a stranger.
Social insecurity is often due to a lack of confidence in our ability to perform adequately or have some level of success in social settings. Deep down it feeds on the fear of criticism and social rejection. When we worry too much about what others think of us, we feel more anxious and insecure and don’t know how to act.
The person suffering from this type of insecurity avoids social contexts because these situations generate great tension and inhibit it. You are afraid of making a mistake, of making a fool of yourself, of not knowing what to say or of conveying a wrong or negative self-image. As a result, he ends up limiting his social life and misses out on opportunities just to avoid public exposure.
- Body insecurity
The physical aspect, whether we like it or not, is part of our business card. Our body and face add or subtract points to the first impression we make on others. Furthermore, in a society like ours, obsessed with physical appearance and certain aesthetic ideals, personal appearance takes center stage.
So when people are uncomfortable with their body image, they can experience a huge insecurity that extends into every sphere of life. Body insecurity comes from not feeling comfortable in your own skin, from rejecting parts of our body that we don’t like.
After all, people who experience this type of insecurity don’t have a balanced view of their physical characteristics, but tend to focus on that part of the body they don’t like and amplify its importance. They believe that others judge them solely on their image, so they end up being their worst judges.
- Professional insecurity
In some cases, the insecurity is centered around the workplace. Since we spend most of our day working, this type of insecurity can be devastating, affecting that part of our “ego” that identifies with the profession.
If a person feels they don’t have the knowledge or skills to do their job successfully, they may feel deeply insecure. In the most extreme cases, he may even feel like an imposter; in other words, insecurity leads her to think she’s not qualified to do the job.
At its core, professional insecurity involves questioning our intelligence and abilities, as well as a hidden fear of criticism and disapproval from those people we perceive as more intelligent or capable. In fact, a study conducted at the University of Hong Kong revealed that job insecurity is not closely related to job performance, meaning that we can perform adequately or even well and still feel deeply insecure. This is because insecurity, once established, is quite resistant to evidence to the contrary.
- Personal insecurity
Among all types of insecurities, personal insecurity is probably the most insidious and difficult to eradicate because it is not related to certain contexts such as social or professional insecurity, but it spreads like wildfire to all spheres of life.
It is a deep-seated insecurity, often developed in childhood or adolescence, which involves the fear of what others think of us, of falling short and of disappointing the expectations of others. It tends to feed off of low self-esteem and lack of self-confidence.
At its base there is a deep disconnect with our “I”. Personal insecurity is a reflection of unresolved internal conflicts, of an “I” that does not know what it wants and does not dare to decide in one direction or another. As a result, the person suffering from this type of insecurity can spend a large part of their life paralyzed, making decisions only when circumstances force them to.
How to deal with the different types of insecurities?
A study conducted at Brigham Young University found that authoritarian people, those who want to control everything, experience higher levels of self-doubt. Indeed, deep down, the different types of insecurities hide a deep fear of uncertainty, of what is beyond our control and its consequences. This is why insecurity is fought by making room for uncertainty.
- Immerse yourself in self-doubt. This might seem like a contradiction in terms, but since you can’t run away from yourself, you can’t run away from your insecurities either. Denying them will only make them grow out of proportion. Instead, notice how you feel when insecurity assails you. Don’t pay attention to your thoughts, only the sensations and emotions you experience. Immerse yourself in that experience with curiosity, as if you were a child experiencing it for the first time. Don’t try to fight it, don’t judge or recriminate yourself, live it as it comes.
- Suppress the urge to act. Whatever kind of insecurity you feel, chances are the discomfort it creates is so great that it drives you to action. Don’t let that feeling of insecurity guide you. Don’t let insecurity take over you. Keep calm and pay attention to your first impulse. What do you want to do? It can be postponing a decision, running away from a place, giving up something… Don’t do it! Stay in insecurity for a while longer. Without taking action.
- Relax in insecurity. It may seem impossible, but it’s not. The weapons of insecurity, with which it perpetuates itself and pushes you to act, are inner tension and anxiety. Therefore, you must learn to counteract those sensations with relaxation. You can learn to breathe with your diaphragm to get comfortable with those feelings, until you realize that they won’t hurt you and that they have no more power over you than you give them.
- Fill yourself with gratitude. Insecurity cannot be fought with security. Security is a pipe dream. Life is insecurity, unpredictability and uncertainty. And that’s okay! Therefore, now that you are in that sea of insecurity, trying to relax, look for a feeling of gratitude within yourself. Feel gratitude even for that insecurity, because it is a sign that you are alive, think and feel.
This way you will find the balance you need to move forward. You will not get rid of insecurity. There’s no need. But this will stop bothering or paralyzing you. As the yogi Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev explains, “when you feel insecure you try to avoid life, and this generates deep misery. But in this life we are only passing through. We have nothing to lose because we arrive with nothing and leave with nothing. We decide if we want to live it with all its insecurities or let ourselves be paralyzed”.