In this article, we show you 5 myths about love that we have all probably heard about but that we should ignore.
Loving and being loved can be a unique and wonderful experience. It can give a new meaning to our life, but love is also made up of challenges and difficult stages: believing in the idea of a romantic and unbeatable love can be frustrating and exhausting.
Feeling that the love we have is not strong and passionate enough as we have learned from books and movies, can make us want to live in a perfect relationship that will never truly exist . This happens because many of us idealize love, and this idealization collides with real life.
“Romantic love is based on premises without equivalent in the real world, not to mention impossible, and very difficult to achieve”. Furthermore, the “until death do us part”, jealousy, the need to live the relationship in a completely exclusive way (ending up distancing, for example, even from friends and family), those who love you will make you suffer, annulment as a person to become a couple, are all elements that seem more designed for suffering than for enjoyment. However, these are all ideas that many people cannot abandon, ”says psychologist Ana Yáñez.
Here are 5 lies about love that we’ve all probably heard at least once, but should be ignored.
1. We all have the other half of the orange
The myth that we all have a soul mate, or the other half of an orange, is not only unreal but also harmful. Believing in the idea that somewhere in the world there is someone that destiny has chosen especially for us, and that this person is our better half, implies a perfect harmony within the couple that does not exist. We are imperfect and a perfect relationship does not exist .
Furthermore, the other does not complete us but encourages us to develop our potential. We are whole beings and our happiness depends exclusively on ourselves and no one else.
“They made us believe that each of us is half an orange and that life only makes sense when we find the other half. They did not tell us that we were born whole, that nobody in our life deserves to carry on their shoulders the responsibility to complete what we lack: we grow with ourselves. If we are in good company, it is simply more pleasant ». (John Lennon)
2. Men cannot express their emotions
The belief that men should repress their feelings has been passed down from father to son for centuries. When it comes to life as a couple (in this case we refer mainly to the heterosexual couple), we have the misconception that the man must be the strong person in the relationship, which is why he cannot cry or have moments of weakness.
It is a cruel belief, which generates a toxic masculinity . In a healthy relationship, both men and women need to feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings. And the role of the “strong” person in the relationship fluctuates between the two. Sometimes it will be played by the woman, sometimes by the man, sometimes by neither.
3. It is impossible to be happy alone
We have been raised to believe that having a full life necessarily requires having a partner . So being single can be seen as a synonym for failure, which is not true at all. According to psychotherapist Deborah Duley, there is an ingrained belief in our society that being single would be the result of something negative that the person is doing that reflects their identity and values. Due to social pressure, the single person often begins to self-criticize such as “I’m not enough to deserve to be loved” or “no one will ever love me”.
However, happy people are happy regardless of whether they have a partner or not . It is true that having a person who supports us, who understands us and who loves us unconditionally is something precious, but being single should also be a condition that is praised and celebrated. Being single is an incredible opportunity to promote self-knowledge. When we are single, we can focus all our energies to find our life purpose and thus develop our independence, our potential and our passions. A passionate, independent and self-confident person has more self-esteem and is much happier.
4. Who is not jealous does not love
Many people believe that love is synonymous with possession , so when there is no jealousy there is no love. Jealousy represents one of the most natural emotions of the human being and in a moderate way it is part of the relationship, precisely because it represents the fear of losing the loved one. But when it becomes unhealthy it can cause a lot of damage .
«Sometimes it is believed that those who love you do everything they can to make you present only for him / her, as a sign of” deep love “. He doesn’t want to part with you even for a minute, he wants to know everything about you and your movements. He chooses to accompany you everywhere, not out of jealousy but to take care of you. It tells you how to dress or how not to dress, because basically you only have to like him / her. Then, little by little, the idea becomes stronger and stronger that the more it is present in your spaces and in your life, the more you care. In reality, jealousy is the perfect opportunity to feel in control of the couple, to invade personal spaces, cell phones, Facebook, wallets, to prevent going out with friends, to check how the other dresses, in short to control his own identity”. Monica Rocio Figueroa, psychologist
5. True love forgives and endures everything
Knowing how to forgive is important and fundamental to any relationship. We all make mistakes and if we don’t know how to forgive it is impossible to continue. However, we are not obliged to forgive everything for love .
Each person has his own limits, limits relating to what he considers forgivable and not . For many, for example, it is impossible to forgive infidelity.
Nor should we tolerate everything in a relationship. Some toxic behaviors can become a constant and psychologically destroy us. For example, we should never accept:
- control and manipulation;
- lack of trust;
- the constant lies;
- emotional blackmail;
- physical teasing.