The 5 languages of love are the well-hidden secret of stable, happy and fulfilling romantic relationships.
You may show affection to your partner on a regular basis, but are you sure he or she understands what you are trying to say?
Indeed, it is not because you have the impression to be clear (e) in your intentions that your other half thinks that it is really the case.
Yes… Signs of love and passionate statements can also get lost in translation.
There are 5 languages of love and not everyone uses the same language to express their feelings.
Put simply, the languages of love are direct and indirect ways of communicating your emotions.
Indeed, if you and your partner do not speak the same language of love, this can give rise to frustrations and misunderstandings.
What are the 5 languages of love?
Simply put, the 5 Love Languages are five different ways of expressing and receiving affection.
So you have the rewarding words, the quality time, the freebies, the services rendered and the physical touch.
And, each of us communicates in a different way and prefers to receive love in a particular way.
This concept developed by Gary Chapman takes into account different styles of communication and explains that it is important to be on the same wavelength with your partner.
Indeed, the languages of love may seem obvious and you may even be thinking to yourself “But how can he or she not understand what I am trying to say to him?” but you will discover that it is not that simple.
Thus, Gary Chapman says that it is essential to discover the language of the primary love of your partner in order to better be able to meet his needs.
And, at the same time, you have to find which language of love speaks to you the most in order to better understand how to put it into practice.
The 5 languages of love or the discovery of effective communication
The 5 languages of love represent the different modes of communication, direct and indirect, which allow you to share your feelings.
So you have understood, as there are several languages of love, yours does not necessarily correspond to that of your partner.
However, to feel loved (e) is a fundamental emotional need for the human being. And, falling in love fulfills that need, at least for a while.
Indeed, love can have an “expiration” date, it can be limited and predictable.
If love at first sight can be a strong feeling, it is mainly an obsession.
You are no longer yourself and you almost lose control. So, it can be said that falling in love is not really the answer to your emotional need.
In fact, you need to be recognized, understood and supported more. In short, you need a love that comes from reason.
And, not just instinctive love!
So, it is to fill this emotional need that takes shape from childhood that there are different languages of love.
The languages of love are all interrelated.
According to people, the 5 languages of love do not apply in the same way. Indeed, some prefer direct declarations of affection while others opt more for gifts.
So you have to try to understand how your partner works and how you function yourself in order to create emotional harmony.
Besides, the fact that there are 5 languages of love does not mean that you should choose one and ignore the others.
No… Simply, you and your partner have one or more preferences and so you need to focus on that (s).
For example, you can give your partner a gift every week but never give them compliments or declarations of love.
In this case, his emotional reservoir will empty over time. And, you won’t even understand how you got to a situation where you can’t stand yourself anymore.
So misunderstandings and conflicts surface when you genuinely thought you were giving him or her everything he or she needed.
Read also: How to recognize the body language of a man in love?
The 5 languages of love that nourish your emotional reservoir.
To build a stable and fulfilling romantic relationship, you must learn to communicate your feelings in an effective way.
And, that implies that you choose the language or languages of love that correspond to your relationship.
What are your partner’s needs? What are your needs ? How can you satisfy the desires of your relationship?
Language of love # 1: rewarding words
Here, we are in oral and verbal communication. Indeed, rewarding words are a set of sayings that aim to give compliments and show your appreciation.
Generally speaking, they are used as straightforward, simple and short affirmations.
What does it mean ? This means that instead of focusing on the negative side of a given situation, you focus on the positive.
So instead of creating a vicious cycle of pessimism, you establish a virtuous spiral of optimism.
So say “No” to criticisms, judgments and negative words and focus on praise and enhancement.
But, remember: you must always be sincere. No need to lie or overdo it, your other half will notice and start doubting you.
In practice :
To let your partner know that you value him or her, pay them compliments that draw attention to everything they do for you.
In order to help him or her become better, encourage him or her because, after all, we all lack self-confidence.
You have humble, encouraging and kind words at your disposal. Your other half will be happy to hear the following statements:
“You are handsome / beautiful today! ‘
“I feel good when I’m with you.”
“What did I miss you today.”
Language of love # 2: quality time
I’m going to ask you a question. And, I want you to answer it honestly. What’s the point of having a full bank account, a trendy car, or a big house if you don’t share it all?
The moments that you spend together are extremely important to your relationship. Indeed, this is the time when all of your attention is focused on your other half.
No distractions… You listen to him, talk to him, you go for a walk together or you go to dinner at your favorite restaurant.
In short, quality time is not about holding hands while each of you stares at a screen and checks your Facebook notifications.
Honestly, the lack of quality time is what most often causes the couple to implode.
Now this is one of the most important love languages!
In practice :
Routine kills the romantic relationship. So if you spend too much time working or going out with your friends how do you want your relationship to be doing well?
The languages of love are like guides for the right behavior to adopt. In this case, you must therefore devote time slots to your other half.
Organize one-on-one meetings, visit your favorite cultural monuments or sign up for dance classes.
In short, choose an activity that both appeal to you and put it into practice.
Besides, it doesn’t have to be an activity. Indeed, you can also choose to stay snuggled up at home.
Only you have to do it away from the screens and in order to relax together.
Language of Love # 3: Gifts
The languages of love are not always intangible. The proof is with the gifts.
Indeed, they are visible and tangible symbols of the feelings you have for each other.
But, that doesn’t mean you have to spend huge amounts of money to buy a present for your other half.
So you can also make it yourself. Appeal to your creative side.
Besides, the price of the gift does not matter. Really… So, for someone on a low income, a 5 euro present can mean unconditional love.
Whereas a present of 1000 euros for a person who earns an extremely good living may have no sentimental value.
This language of love is based on intentions. What matters is that you have thought about your partner.
For example, some women still remember the first gift their partner gave them when they started dating.
Even if it was a paper flower or a cocktail.
In practice :
Even if you are not sensitive to these kinds of love languages, remember that your other half may not necessarily think the same thing.
Indeed, for him or her, a present can have a big emotional value. So make the effort to find something that he really likes.
And, watch his reaction. Does he or she seem happy?
If you think you are wrong at choosing a gift, ask for help. There is no shame in that.
And, don’t forget: keep it simple! No need to overdo it. If you give, for example, a gold watch to your other half, how will you manage to be stronger the next time?
Sometimes a simple attentive presence can be seen as a gift. Indeed, when your partner is going through difficult or important moments, you must answer “Present!”.
Language of love n ° 4: services rendered
This language can be difficult to pin down. What we call “services rendered in love” are all the times you have helped your partner.
In fact, you extend a helping hand when he or she needs you or a listening ear when he or she has a problem.
In short, you are trying to please him by doing him a service!
This help requires thought, organization, energy and time. It may not always be pleasant for you to tackle the task, but it is worth it.
If doing a service to your partner may seem logical to some; others think it’s completely useless or even ch ****!
However, sensitive people are particularly affected by this type of language of love.
Moreover, we can clearly see that we are rendering our partner much more service at the beginning of the relationship than after a few years.
Indeed, when you fall in love, these services do not seem to require effort.
You do it naturally and with pleasure. But, over time, these services turn into constraints.
By the way, I’ll bet you you’ve heard or said this phrase, “He or she wasn’t like that before.”
These words are typical for a sudden change in the use of this language of love.
In practice :
When you love someone, you should also use this language of love.
Indeed, you can not only practice the one which seems to you the easiest.
Here is a list of services that you can render to your other half (it is far from being exhaustive):
Wash the dishes ; Cooking: Clean the table or the floor; To vacuum ; To do the laundry ; Fold clothes; Iron; Take out the trash ; Repaint the walls; Mowing the lawn ; Take him to the doctor; Go shopping ; etc …
Language of love # 5: physical touch
It is surely the most famous and widespread language of love. Touch is obviously a way of making the other understand that he or she is loved.
Indeed, holding hands, kissing, having sex, hugging, caressing, etc.… Are just as many means of communication that simply mean “I love you”!
Moreover, many people consider this language of love to be the most obvious and easy to understand.
But, you have to keep in mind that not everyone is tactile. Indeed, your partner may not like hugs or kisses on the neck.
On the other hand, if your other half needs physical contact to feel loved, you absolutely must practice this language of love.
So even if you give him the most beautiful gifts and if you are constantly by his side, it will not change anything for him or her.
If he or she needs to be touched to feel loved, you must touch him or her! It shouldn’t take too much effort …
In practice :
People who are sensitive to touch prefer hugs to direct declarations of love like “I love you”.
Touch as the language of love can take many forms: a caress, a massage, holding hands.
In short, any act that involves any physical contact!
How do you know what is your language of love?
You and your partner each have your own language of love. Besides, you can have several.
The way you communicate your feelings depends on several factors: the example of your parents, your personality, your vision of love, your emotions, your needs and your desires.
Generally speaking, your language of love is dictated by the behavior of your parents.
Indeed, in childhood and adolescence, you observed the attitude of your parents.
And, you subconsciously absorb their language of love. So, if your parents weren’t the type to compliment each other, you’re going to have a hard time using this language of love.
On the other hand, if they were very tactile, you will surely have a penchant for the language of love # 5, touch.
Understanding what language your partner is using is imperative to being able to offer him or her what he or she really needs.
Very often when you don’t receive enough love, at least when your partner isn’t offering you what you need, you become critical.
“You never spend time with me”, “You don’t do anything at home” or “When was the last time you gave me a present?”
When incomprehension sets in, both partners stop making efforts and the breakup is inevitable.
On the other hand, if you are sufficiently attentive / attentive, you will be able to save your relationship.
How? ‘Or’ What ? In fact it is quite simple. The criticisms you make of your partner (and vice versa) are the clues you need to decipher the language of love that he or she prefers.
To better understand, let’s take an example:
If your partner tells you “You never tell me I’m beautiful”. What does it mean ?
This review means her favorite love language is # 1, empowering words. However, clearly this is not your case.
So you have to make an effort in this area to give her what she really needs.
Here is a second example:
If you say to your significant other, “You’re never home. Where do you spend all your time? ” What meaning is behind this sentence?
Quite simply, you are trying to make him understand that your language of love is # 2, quality time.
And, therefore, your partner should make an effort to spend more time with you in order to make you happy.
Even if it is not his language of love, he or she must put it into practice for the good of your couple.
I hope my explanation was clear enough. Each of us has our own language of love.
We simply have to learn to communicate our needs better and we must be ready to make an effort to please our partner.
The happiness and success of our romantic relationship is entirely based on our awareness of the 5 languages of love and their implementation.