There are two different words – loneliness and solitude. Both can describe the same state. But the first is often associated with melancholy and despondency, and the second – with the opportunity to rest, reboot, be alone with your thoughts. And then – return to the world renewed.
If you are currently single, you may be given the gift of a moment of solitude. Take advantage of it and learn how to do things that will make your life brighter.
1. Understand yourself better and see what you truly value
When you are with your partner, most of your thoughts, emotions, and actions are aimed at maintaining the relationship. You make common plans and think about the interests of the couple as a whole. In such a situation, you can ignore your own priorities and not notice when they become different.
Sometimes you just don’t have enough time to listen to your thoughts, immerse yourself in your emotions, and understand what is important to you at this stage of your life.
Being single, or living solo, is a great time to get to know your current self better.
That is, to understand what will be valuable for you now – both in relationships and in life in general.
For example, before, the main thing was that a loved one could support any of your adventures without talking or asking unnecessary questions. You saw this as acceptance and trust. And you were happy if on Friday evening it occurred to you that it would be nice to go somewhere for the weekend, and a couple of hours later you were already sitting in the car and booking online accommodation in Novgorod or Suzdal – where you can relax and walk around beautiful places.
And now long, heartfelt conversations are more important to you. Or walks together, when you can hold hands and not talk about anything.
You can also reconsider your life priorities . For example, before you needed to go on a trip every year. But now, after listening to yourself, you discovered that you want to stay home and do something completely new. For example, become a volunteer or start actively learning an unfamiliar language.
It is worth being alone to hear yourself. And to better understand what you want from life and from relationships in the future.
2. Build your life the way you like it
The previous point was about strategic goals and important life values, and this one is about daily routine.
The couple usually has a single way of life. It is often based on compromises: the partners cook the dishes that they both like, play music that does not irritate either of them.
But if no one else lives in the apartment, you can only follow your own rules.
For example, have ice cream with berries for dinner. Walk around the apartment in your underwear or without it at all. On weekends, turn on heavy rock or your favorite ethnic music in the morning and not be afraid to wake anyone up. Or vice versa: sleep until almost lunchtime, and then go to the nearest cafe. Or maybe make the most delicious syrniki that you haven’t made for a thousand years because your previous partner couldn’t stand cottage cheese.
It is worth listening to your desires and body signals. And understand how to arrange your life so that you are comfortable. Perhaps you will discover needs that you did not know about before. Or simply forgot about long ago. Living solo is a great time to take care of yourself .
3. Train mindfulness
Often, in a state of loneliness, a feeling of emptiness appears. And then dark thoughts come. Long-forgotten experiences emerge in the mind, fragments of old dialogues arise, previous grievances and traumas are remembered. This process is probably familiar to everyone who has been left alone.
In such a situation, you shouldn’t try to drown out all these internal voices with something external – TV series, social networks, alcohol. It’s better to try to understand your emotions, experience and let go of old grievances.
Meditation and various mindfulness practices can help with this . But if it gets really hard, you should see a psychologist.
4. Find new hobbies and plan time for creativity
When a person is left alone, he often discovers that he now has a lot, even too much, free time. It seems that the whole world is busy with something interesting and everyone around is happy. And all he can do is yearn and be bored.
But boredom , according to psychologists, is an emotion that prompts a person to look for something new – something that will help him feel alive.
So, it’s time to start searching. You can remember all the hobbies you’ve ever wanted to do. And try them one after another. For example, enroll in a vocal studio. If after the lesson you feel uplifted and light, you can continue. And if it turns out that singing doesn’t inspire you , you can learn to dance the rumba, paint with oils, play the guitar.
The important thing is that you don’t have to explain to anyone why you don’t go to the second one after your first vocal lesson.
And no one will reproach you for frivolity and misunderstanding of your own desires – there is no one to reproach. And you are sorting out your needs right now, and this process will take exactly as much time as you need.
The main thing is not to strive to immediately become a professional in the chosen field. It is better to simply look for activities that help you experience maximum positive emotions – the joy of creativity, inspiration, pride from small but significant results. A new hobby will help you see life from an unfamiliar angle and will delight you for a long time.
5. Find new friends
A lonely person often feels like everyone around them is meeting, making plans, enjoying each other. Needing each other, after all. Everyone, except him. It’s really sad if he broke up with his partner and also lost his former friends. Yes, that happens too. After all, coming to an old company and meeting an ex there is not the most pleasant thing. Therefore, a person can break off any previous connections.
Even if things aren’t so sad and you have friends and good acquaintances, the lack of romantic relationships can make you feel abandoned and useless. So, it’s time to make new acquaintances.
The easiest way to do this is to take up a new hobby. It is easier to find like-minded people among people who are passionate about the same thing as you. For example, you can look for seasonal sports clubs, take part in a hiking trip or kayaking – any activity where you can meet interesting people. It is very likely that over time you will make new friends, and maybe even love .