Dating can bring a lot of pleasure and joy. Or it can fail miserably – if the communication is boring. And sometimes men themselves are to blame for the fact that a woman is disappointed and does not enthusiastically consider an invitation to communicate again.
Psychologist David Copeland named the 4 typical mistakes that men make on dates and significantly reduce their chances of continuing communication.
Mistake 1. Boring conversations
A man, hoping to impress the lady of his heart, begins to enthusiastically talk about science fiction, the history of the use of fiber optics in telecommunications, sports, work, or chooses another topic that is clearly not interesting to his interlocutor.
The thing is that women very often find themselves in a situation where a man on a date starts discussing a topic that she doesn’t understand at all and that she’s not interested in.
When a man talks at length about the speed of the Internet, the capabilities of computers or gravity, women can only nod their heads and smile. And after half an hour or an hour, they want only one thing – to leave.
Men do this because they often feel stupid in the company of a woman they don’t know well, and so they start talking about topics they understand best.
If your new acquaintance does exactly this, do not rush to write him off – most likely he just wants to impress you. You can smoothly switch the conversation to another topic or humorously and delicately hint that it would be better to talk about something else.
“Be honest with your man and don’t be afraid to interrupt him, trying to change the subject. He may not know that he is talking too much or that you are not interested in the topic. If you pretend to be interested, it will inspire him even more,” the psychologist recommends.
By the way, the reaction to an attempt to interrupt an uninteresting conversation will also be very important. The man may apologize and switch to something else, he may be disappointed and slightly offended, and he may also feel ashamed and be afraid to look at the woman. And the lady will receive additional information about the new person.
Mistake 2. He didn’t show up for the date or was very late.
Such a mistake can even be called fatal, as it shows his character too well. The fact itself is unpleasant, but it gives an excellent chance to practice refusals later.
However, the psychologist recommends in such a situation to give the man another chance to improve. You should not take such behavior personally and wonder whether you have anything to do with his wrong actions.
The truth is usually that you don’t know what happened. Maybe he mixed up the days, the time, he forgot about the meeting, his cat got sick and he had to rush to the vet, or his friend got stuck on the highway and he rushed to save him. In any case, you don’t know the reason.
And yes, in any situation, a man should have left you a message, written or called, etc. But in the real world, the situation is different and it may be difficult for a guy to cope with unexpected circumstances.
Copeland recommends that women avoid calling or texting while you’re angry. Once you’ve calmed down, politely find out what happened.
Don’t shout or blame – this will make the man withdraw into himself and keep quiet. Let him apologize and justify himself. If the explanation satisfies you – give him another chance. If not – then you should answer firmly “no”. If he doesn’t come again – even more so.
Mistake 3. The man behaves in such a way that you want to feel sorry for him
Unfortunately, not all men know how to have romantic conversations and do not know how to approach a woman. And this can even be a good sign, since good, honest, serious and hardworking guys usually do not look like cool romantics and seducers. And on the first dates they are clumsy, they can lose face.
This doesn’t mean that any guy who acts awkwardly at the beginning of a conversation should be your match. But you shouldn’t give a guy a chance because he said something stupid or made a mistake.
“Give a man the opportunity to behave as he can, and if he is someone worth developing a relationship with, he will soon learn to behave romantically and tenderly with you. If you forgive him, this does not mean that you are inclined to forgive everything or put up with offensive behavior. It means that you give a man the opportunity to improve and meet him halfway when he tries to be romantic, even if he is clumsy,” the psychologist emphasizes.
Mistake 4: He quickly and persistently begins to harass a woman
Some men may start pestering almost immediately, and a woman should decide in advance how she will react to this. Most men try to make the first move and keep up with the speed of approach that a woman sets. Your reaction depends on your requirements and what you ultimately want from a man.
You need to decide for yourself what exactly will be offensive to you and to what extent you can consider yourself offended. Remember that a man may make the first move to get closer because he has misinterpreted your behavior.
When he does something you think he shouldn’t do, it’s up to you to decide whether you forgive him. Ultimately, it depends on how safe you feel around him, how much you think he’s overstepped his bounds, and what you want from him.