The beginning of married life can be a fairy tale, you fall madly in love at the beginning, because, for you, there is no other person in the world that makes you so happy. Your spouse becomes your better half, the person who motivates you to be better every day, who helps and complements you in order to make the best of yourself.
Over time, this charm and idealization that one has for the partner will diminish; it is part of maturing and learning to love him as he is, with his virtues and defects. Marriage is like that, one falls in love and is disappointed, but in the end, love can be solid and strong when it is nurtured .
In this transitional stage that every marriage experiences while the couple meets, it is common for disillusionment and disappointment with the spouse to generate negative thoughts so powerful that they end up preventing the fight for the dream of being happy. Sometimes the feelings of frustration, hatred and disappointment are stronger, which overshadows the good deeds that the loved one does.
The prince charming of history gradually fades
My life was perfect, and even enviable for some. I was surrounded by hopes, goals and dreams that I shared with my partner; it became my greatest motivation , my strength and my hope of fighting any adversity that would prevent me from succeeding.
However, at times I felt a great emptiness in my heart , I came to think that everything I did was not rewarded; I even totally changed my way of being just to please him , sacrificing my own desires. This made me gradually disappointed ; I started to see his defects with magnifying glasses.
For many years, I placed my own happiness in his hands, letting him guide me on my journey, because in this way, I felt protected and confident. But his bad decisions, his constant mistakes that jeopardized the stability of our family, as well as his selfishness when he did not listen to my opinions and advice, gradually led me to fall in love with my prince charming .
Perhaps my story seems familiar and not far from reality, as we often do not understand the reasons why a spouse is used to behaving in a certain way; one comes to think that love has ended completely, putting the marriage at risk.
How is love extinguished?
As much as a person completely denies that their relationship is in danger and puts a blindfold on just because they don’t want to see reality, there are signs that indicate a lack of love for their spouse; which is why we must be on guard if we want to save the relationship .
- Don’t touch me now!
It may be that your married life continues to work well, that you sleep and wake up together, but little by little you end up ignoring the importance of physical contact ; those passionate kisses, the hugs that leave you breathless for a few seconds, to caress your hair or face to feel your skin crawl. You fall in love when you no longer want him to touch you, when you despise kisses in the morning; your priority changes completely and you end up focusing on irrelevant things.
- Do you realize that talking is tiring
At one point in the relationship, you believed that communication with your partner was the most important thing, because it was the way to solve problems together, which was important for living together, to get to know and learn from each other, as well as the way how to know your ideas, thoughts and also your needs.
But when you stop loving, you realize that talking to your partner won’t do you much good. It gets to be exhausting, because you do not notice a change in attitude or behavior or you will have an unwanted response. In an instant, you will learn that it is difficult for a spouse to change, no matter how much effort you make, he or she will continue to believe you are right. Your opinion may be heard, but not taken into account.
- You activate your social relationships again
It is normal for couples to walk away from friends and stop participating in social events, as they will have to fulfill family responsibilities and obligations. The priority will always be with the family! However, when you become disillusioned with your husband, you unconsciously begin to reactivate contact with your friends and loved ones , minimizing the time you spend with him.
One way or another, you will be looking for the empathy of the people you like, as you will want to feel part of a social group again. You will even feel well surrounded by friends you haven’t seen in a long time.
- The future is distant
Another sign that points to the loss of love is when you stop having future plans that involve your husband . Their way of thinking changes and their dreams take a different path than they had together. In those moments, your desires and goals will be focused on feeling good about yourself , since your desire is to make up for lost time when you stopped doing what you wanted to please your husband.
It is imperative to identify these signs of lack of love in time to be able to regain love in your marriage. You have to be honest with yourself to find the source of disappointment and disenchantment. Remember: there will always be ways to heal the wounds of the past and revive love.
Take into account that, with couples therapy, good communication and the love they feel for each other, there are enough elements to restore marital stability and achieve the dream they once had together: that of being happy forever!