There’s no harm in dreaming, but clipping your own wings is a big deal.
1. I lack willpower
If at the end of a long day at work you routinely tell yourself that you’re too tired to go to the gym or meet friends as planned, you’re probably trapped in a limiting belief that has no scientific basis. But you’re not alone.
According to a popular belief born in the depths of folk psychology, our capacity for self-control is limited. That is, each day we have a limited amount of willpower available to us, which can be exhausted if we overexert ourselves. Real psychologists call this myth ego depletion.
However, research shows that willpower is not a finite resource. In one study, researchers from the University of Zurich and Stanford University found that signs of ego depletion were only seen in people who believed in a limited supply of willpower.
It could be that ego depletion is related to the idea that we are doomed to fail, rather than biological factors. We are then less likely to achieve our dreams because this idea gives us a rationale for quitting when in fact we may not.
But if we think of willpower as an emotion that arises in response to what happens to us and how we feel, this perspective allows us to view a lack of motivation as a temporary reaction to a difficult task, rather than a complete depletion of our daily dose of willpower.
2. I don’t deserve this
Imposter syndrome is a cognitive distortion. So when we tell ourselves that we’re not good enough at something or for something, we probably don’t have any real reason to think that way. However, it doesn’t go away on its own. In fact, the more successful we become, the more we feel like an impostor.
To get rid of this belief, you need to understand that this is a thinking error and reduce it to nothing, for example, in the following ways:
- Compare your current life with what it was last year or five years ago, note achievements in different areas and progress in personal growth.
- Celebrate your successes.
- Share your failures with close friends and listen when they talk about theirs.
3. I’m an idiot
This belief is the result of our inner critic. We’ve all heard it at least once, telling us we’re “morons” or “stupid,” and making us question our abilities, worth, and choices. Not surprisingly, this negative self-talk undermines our self-esteem and confidence, weakens our motivation, increases anxiety, and reduces our productivity.
4. I have a lot of other things to do.
Distraction is the biggest obstacle to achieving your dreams. And it’s much harder to spot than you think. A distraction is anything that gets in the way of doing what you want to do.
For example, cleaning and doing laundry may seem productive, but they’re just distracting us if we do them instead of working on our financial plan . There’s no problem with scrolling through social media, as long as we don’t do it instead of enjoying dinner with our family.
We may feel powerless against distractions. Much of this is reinforced by the idea that social media is addictive. But this is another self-limiting belief, similar to ego depletion. It only becomes reality if you believe it.
Four steps will help you develop the ability to avoid distractions:
- Understand your internal triggers. Distraction is an unhealthy escape from negative experiences. When we do something that bores us or makes us feel incompetent, we seek relief in other activities. If you learn to identify and manage your triggers, you will no longer have to turn to distraction to relieve discomfort.
- Set aside time to move toward your goals. This means breaking down the actions needed to achieve your goals into small steps and putting each step on your calendar. When we know what we want to do at any given time, it becomes easier to recognize and combat distractions.
- Eliminate external triggers. These include anything in the environment that attracts our attention. They can come from family members or coworkers, but most often they are signals from the digital world, such as notifications about a new email or a message in a group chat. When we limit external triggers, we neutralize their influence.
- Make a pact with yourself. For example, promise yourself to finish a work project without checking social media, or clean your apartment without watching a TV series.
The next time your dreams seem out of reach, ask yourself if you’re holding yourself back and take steps to release the limiting beliefs that are holding you back.