It’s normal to feel awkward and tense when faced with change, no matter how small or large. And it’s not just fear of the unknown. Adults have likely experienced at least one change in their lives that made things worse, not better.
For example, you might quit your job because of a toxic boss or coworkers, only to find that the work environment at your new job is even more unhealthy. After such an experience, it’s natural to become even more resistant to change for fear that it will make your life more difficult again.
While change in life and the uncertainty that comes with it are inevitable, we can control how we respond to it. Cognitive neuroscientist Maya Shankar recommends asking yourself three questions when you’re feeling particularly resistant to change:
- How can change improve my abilities? When we imagine how we will respond, we tend to assume that in a new situation we will act in familiar ways, that our personality will remain the same. But a person who copes with difficulties in times of unexpected change becomes different and acquires new skills.
- How can changes affect my values? Changes that we don’t expect can completely change our ideas about our lives and what really matters to us and what we really want.
- How can change change my identity? Unforeseen circumstances can destroy the foundation on which we build our identity. Who we are and what we do is then called into question. But change can also give us a new, more stable basis for self-identification.
This isn’t about ignoring negative consequences or pretending everything is fine when it’s not. The main goal of this exercise is to be open to internal changes and reflect on how adapting to uncertainty and the way things are going can benefit you in the future.