All these words are needed by your partner to demonstrate his power and establish control over you.
Sexual, physical, emotional, and financial abuse by an intimate partner is a problem that millions of women around the world face, regardless of age, race, or socioeconomic status.
The basis of the domestic abuser’s behavior is the thirst to assert his power. To keep the victim silent, submissive and meek, abusers use various tactics, primarily trying to isolate her from other people, as well as using promises, blackmail, threats, manipulation and physical force. At the same time, as a rule, the behavior of the abuser in public and without witnesses differs sharply, and therefore no one guesses what is happening behind closed doors.
Very often, “red flags” warning that a relationship is becoming (or already is) abusive can be noticed at the very beginning of close communication with a new partner.
Phrases That Reveal Abuse in a Relationship
- “You don’t need to hang out with these people. Your family (and/or friends) are toxic.”
- “The world is not a safe place. I have to protect you. If you are going to do something, always ask me first.”
- “We will be together for the rest of our lives. I will make all your dreams come true. I will always take care of you. You can quit your terrible job.”
- “I can’t live without you. If you leave me, I’ll commit suicide.”
- “If you truly love me, you will do this” (this could be about sex or something else that requires you to sacrifice yourself in some way).
- “You hurt me like no one has ever hurt me before. You are pure evil.”
- “When I write or call you, it will be better for you if you answer immediately.”
- “Who are you texting? Give me your phone number.”
- “If you cheat on me , you will pay for it.”
- “I’m so angry because of problems at work. It’s not my fault.”
- “My ex was totally crazy.”
- No, you can’t have another glass.”
- “Don’t wear that. You have absolutely no taste or sense of fashion. Wear this.”
- “No, you can’t go home. You have to stay here with me. I’ll take you later.”
- “You can’t be friends with this guy. I blocked him on your phone.”
- “You make too much noise, you behave disgustingly. Everyone thinks you talk too much. Better keep quiet, keep your mouth shut.”
- “These women are not your friends. Stay away from them.”
- “All couples fight. You’re overreacting. It’s entirely your fault.”
- “Don’t pretend to be afraid of me. I’ll show you what you should really be afraid of.”
- “If you tell anyone, I will destroy you.”
- “The children will never see you.”
- “I am the boss in this house. Either you do as I say, or you will end up on the street.”
- “You will end your days alone and with nothing.”
- “Nobody likes you, everyone loves me.”
- “You have nothing, no evidence, no one will believe you
It is worth keeping in mind that many victims of domestic violence , driven by fear and despair, tend to justify the abuser, downplay the damage they suffer, look for a rational grain in his words and actions, and blame themselves. For example, they tell themselves: “He will change, he promised,” “I am staying because he told me that I am the love of his life,” “He helps me so much, I owe him,” “I am so unhappy, but what choice do I have?” and so on.
It is incredibly difficult to get out of an abusive relationship alone, so if you are in one, seek outside help, find people you can trust and lean on.
