It is never wrong to have role models and look up to people we admire.
That we often compare ourselves with others may not always be as good, but at the same time it is inevitable. It is in our nature to compare and judge. It is only when we begin to compare ourselves with all the other people we meet and see that things start to go awry. It is then that the risk is imminent that we become so dependent on what others think, think and do, that we erase our own personality and learn to ignore our own needs. We become like an unwilling chameleon without any opinions and goals of our own.
Slavery in Sweden was abolished in 1337. This is a tough, but necessary chapter because now is the time to break free from the shackles of psychological slavery too!
13 important tips to help you become more independent
1. The world is full of good advice. The vast majority are free and rarely or never have any value. Nothing is as easy for people as telling others exactly what mistakes they are making, how, and what they should, should and must do instead. Often these tips come without us even asking for them and all too often they are suggestions from people who just shoot from the hip – ie they really have no idea who you really are and what you really need help with. It’s a bit like going to a car repair shop to get help with a hole in a tooth.
Most people can not even sort out their own problems. Why do you think they can tell you exactly how and what to do to find the right thing in life? The risk that you get the wrong advice is great, so stop instinctively trusting other people who like to think they have the answer to everything. Listen, but question everything you hear and dare to think for yourself. It’s time to stop being so comfortable that you think everyone you’ve become addicted to just wants you well.
2.It is quite popular to blame problems in adulthood on one’s childhood, a lack of self-confidence as well. All self-respecting psychologists also like to start digging into the past to find the cause of worries and difficulties and not without reason. It is impossible to get away from – many problems have their roots in our upbringing. Actually, it is not so strange that we as adults think that it is good to continue to be dependent on other people to feel good, be confirmed and guided, because that is exactly how we have grown up. Even as babies, we discover that it is practical to be dependent on others. Everything becomes so much easier if you do not have to do things yourself.
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Without our parents, we would not have made it when we were really young. All light fell on us and our will was their law. So it also continues for a long time. We grow older, but continue to be dependent on our parents. As children, we need their support, love, encouragement and guidance. Unfortunately, that kind of addiction has developed into a kind of spinal reflex that far too many in adulthood never dare to question or deviate from. The fact that so many young people are still living at home is not just due to housing shortages. It’s just as much about laziness and cowardice, about spinning on the addiction that is so hard to let go of. As a child, there is a kind of addiction that is both inevitable and acceptable, but as an adult it is just irresponsible not to be able to crawl out of the nest and learn to stand on your own two feet.
Parents of today are not completely innocent of the phenomenon of spoiled adult children who do not have the strength to take responsibility for their own lives. They have to blame themselves because it seems to be a trend to turn a blind eye to their own needs and instead pamper their children (even in adulthood) with significantly more help and greater sacrifices than before, even though the children may not even ask for help.
Yes, times are tough and the excuses for continuing to treat their adult children as young children are many and sometimes easy to understand and sympathize with. It is expensive to get a driver’s license, expensive to buy an apartment and expensive to live.
Most parents just mean well, but do not realize that they are just doing their children a disservice. It can be too much of a good thing. “Curling parents” have become more common and they do not realize that they teach their children that it is okay to continue to be dependent on others for most of their lives. Dependence on parents, dependence on boyfriends and girlfriends, husband and wife, friends and co-workers. Is it so strange then that it is this addiction that makes us lose faith that we can actually manage on our own? That it hangs like a lead around our self-confidence and lowers our self-esteem and self-esteem?
I am not saying that we should do as many animal species that brutally push the cubs out of the nest already as children so that they will learn to become independent as early as possible.
I’m just saying that every human being must dare to cut the umbilical cord and take responsibility for themselves and for their own lives.
If you have not already done so, it’s time now, otherwise you will spend the rest of your life continuing to depend on other people to keep alive the illusion that it is only through them that you can fulfill your own dreams, ambitions and needs.
3.The relationship with our family is dynamic, which means that it changes over the years. It is as much about your parents, siblings and relatives realizing that you have changed and treating yourself with respect as that you yourself become aware that you no longer need to meet the same demands and allow yourself to be treated in the same way as when you were children or younger. Just because your mother or brother told you what to do in the past does not mean that they have the right to control you, your needs and your life now. In the same way, you also have a responsibility not to turn into a child yourself and fall back into your old behavior as a child when you meet or spend time with your family!
4.Life is a theater, then people can say what they want, and we all play our part in the Big Play. The one that rolls for sold out houses, year after year. It is not until you see yourself as creative, confident and brave that other people also look at you in the same way, so why not simply decide to play the role of creative, confident and brave? Do it now!
5. Dare to reorder your friends and “friends.”
How many of you hang out with are really real friends?
How many of them do you hang out with just because you are looking for their confirmation and not because you really enjoy their company?
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This is a difficult task, but impossible to avoid in the long run if you do not want to risk a mental meltdown, so be tough. Play “Robinson” in your mind and “vote out” all those who just whine, complain and criticize. Learn to realize that you are not dependent on their “approval” for you to be liked, respected and accepted. Do more as you please and do not think that the secret to feeling good is to always satisfy the needs of others before your own. Some will surely get angry and support the day you dare to make a difference, but shit the same. You will feel much better without such people, believe me. Life is too short to dance to other people’s pipes. They can make other, more easily dressed friends elsewhere.
6.How can you be sure that there are no people around you who are quietly looking at you and think that you have all that they themselves lack?
Believe it or not, there are certainly a lot of people who would have liked to change their life and personality with you. Who actually need you much more than you need them. It is very possible that you will never know that (or if) it is so, but stick to that thought when you think that everyone else is so much smarter, smarter and more energetic than you!
7.Learn to trust your own ability and stop expecting others to always step in and help you when it receives or when you do not know what to do. The harsh reality is that no one but yourself can fill the void within you. The appreciation, help and affirmation that you chase in others is just an illusion. It’s about artificial respiration. Relationships with others are important, but most important is the relationship with yourself. That you learn to like yourself. A good way to grow as a person and increase your own self-esteem is to do things for others. There are always people who are worse off than you and who need help. It can be about the homeless, refugee children or the sick. Look around lite. Dare to step out of your own little world and give of yourself. Then you will also begin to appreciate yourself more.
8. Stop comparing yourself to everything and others. It doesn’t matter how you fight and try, it does not matter how successful and skilled you become at anything. There are always those who are richer, more skilled and more successful than you. Accept it and realize that there are certainly those who are jealous of you. Life is not a competition, all people are unique and have their good and bad sides. Judge yourself based on your own capacity and your own conditions.
9. Accept that it is impossible to make everyone happy and satisfied. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you will not waste unnecessary time and energy on meaningless tasks.
10.All people need appreciation, but there is a big difference between being confirmed for what you actually do and deserving appreciation for and just chasing meaningless praise to assure ourselves that we are good enough. It is not difficult to get praise if you ask enough people or just ask those who say what they know we want to hear. Do not let yourself become addicted to empty words that in the end still only make you doubt whether all the nice things that people say about you are really true.
11.Dare to grab things that scare you and make you doubt instead of just waiting and seeing what and how others do. Dare to try and make a little effort to confront your fears. Dare to take the risk of failure. You will be amazed at how much you actually dare – and can handle! It doesn’t matter how much you glance at and compare yourself to other people. However, they will never be able to realize your dreams and plans for you.
12.Realize the simple fact that it is unprofitable to try to change other people. It can not be said too many times. No matter how hard you try, you will never succeed in convincing others to change opinions, beliefs or values. There are a thousand different perceptions of what is right or wrong, normal or abnormal, funny or boring, good-looking or ugly, fair or unfair and so on to infinity. The anger, impatience and frustration that we work up and accumulate just because other people do not think, think or do as we are wasted time and waste of valuable energy. Do not think that there are people who have the task of making the world better just for your sake!
13.Accept that other people have the right to say no to you (whatever that may be), just as you also have the right to say no to them, but never take it personally. A no once does not automatically mean that you will always be denied or nobbed. Sometimes it takes four nos to get a yes.
So…
To constantly seek other people’s approval to get confirmation that we are “someone” is rooted in our fear that others will not like us. It is human and completely natural to want to be seen and liked – it is in human nature and is a necessity for us to feel good – but when it degenerates and becomes a bad habit, self-confidence only erodes more and more. Many times, this search for other people’s “approval” has deep roots – from wanting to be their parents to the team, it then goes on to seek the teachers’ approval. It often also ends up that he or she later completely closes his or her eyes to his or her own opinions and needs, not least in adult relationships, both privately and in working life. When it goes that far, we allow ourselves to become slaves to other people’s demands, opinions and needs. The short-term reward of constantly striving for the constant approval of those around you is that you strengthen their egos and do not have to explain why you think, think or do in a certain way. Just remember that people quickly get tired of unwilling “yes-sayers”.
There is no point in trying to make all people like you. It will still never happen, no matter what you do. Accept that there are both friends and enemies in the world. You choose who you want to hang out with
