Charisma is something that can be learned.
Many people still think that people who have a high power of charisma and influence were born with these skills. That would be the same as thinking that only lucky people are able to be magnetic.
This survey of more than 1 million people shows that being charismatic is for everyone and is basically a matter of emotional intelligence.
In the survey, words such as sincerity, transparency and comprehension were highlighted in front of words such as intelligence and physical attraction.
These adjectives describe people who are skilled in emotional intelligence and show that people who have charisma skills are not only very nice, but they outperform people who don’t have it by a large margin.
But what do these people do that is special?
According to the TalentSmart survey I cited, the characteristics of charismatic people boil down to:
# 1 – Ask questions frequently
Most people try to formulate responses while listening to a conversation.
This is an advantage of people with high charisma. On average, they listen more and ask questions according to what was said.
This makes all the difference, in a world where people are increasingly interested in themselves.
People like to know that you are listening. It is as simple as a clarification question that shows that you are not only listening, but you also care about what they are saying. You will be surprised at the respect and appreciation you get from just asking questions.
# 2 – They keep their phones
When you commit to a conversation, focus all your energy on it. You will find that conversations are more pleasant and effective when you immerse yourself in them.
Therefore, in your personal interactions, keep your phone and avoid viewing messages when talking to your interlocutor.
Can you do that?
# 3 – They are genuine
Being original is essential to being pleasant. Nobody likes someone who is falsifying all the time.
It is difficult to like someone when we have an impression that that person is not true, honest.
Pleasant people know who they are. They are confident enough to be comfortable in their own skin. By focusing on what motivates you and makes you happy as an individual, you become a much more interesting person than trying to win people over by making choices that you think will make them like you.
# 4 – They don’t judge
To be “enjoyable”, you need to have an open mind to new ideas and even to opposing ideas.
Nobody wants to talk to someone who is not willing to listen and already has an opinion, without opening the channel for dialogue.
Empathy is the key. To eliminate preconceived notions and judgments, you need to see the world through other people’s eyes.
This does not require you to believe what they believe or tolerate their behavior, it simply means that you stop judging long enough to really understand what makes them work. Only then can you let them be who they are.
# 5 – They don’t seek attention all the time
People reject anyone who does everything for attention.
Being thoughtful and friendly is all you need to win people over. When you speak in a friendly, confident and concise manner, you will notice that people are much more thoughtful than if you try to show that it is important.
When you are recognized for something, especially in public, take the opportunity to thank and direct attention to those who helped you get there. See this example.
If that seems true, the fact that you pay attention to others and appreciate their help will show that you are grateful and humble – two adjectives closely related to sympathy.
Research shows that most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds after meeting you. They spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their initial reaction.
First impressions are closely linked to positive body language. A strong posture, a firm handshake, smiling and opening your shoulders to the person you are talking to will help ensure that your first impression is good. If you want more tips on this, check out this course.
# 7 – They keep people’s names
Pleasant people register names and speak when they see the person.
Research shows that people feel validated when the person they are talking to refers to them by name during a conversation.
Always try to associate names with people’s faces. You can play by creating associations, for example, if a person is called Fagner and has a beard, associate that person with the image of the singer Fagner with a beard.
After registering the name, repeat it during a conversation to create an appointment and never forget it. Go on training that in time you will become an expert in this (living proof of who was bad at recording names: Me!)
# 8 – They smile
If you want people to like you, smile at them during a conversation and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.
# 9 – They can play (without being invasive)
Touching someone indicates that the other person allows and accepts this.
When we meet someone, we keep a safe distance. Throughout the conversation, we move forward and get closer.
Take advantage of this proximity and touch the person from time to time. When you touch someone during a conversation, it releases oxytocin in the brain, a neurotransmitter that causes the brain to associate you with confidence and a host of other positive feelings. A simple tap on the shoulder, a hug or a friendly handshake is enough to release oxytocin.
But do everything with moderation and integrity, because the effect can be the opposite if it is exaggerated: generating dislike.
Last and not least:
# 10 – They are passionate and fun
Finally, people like people who show passion and balance their passion with the ability to have fun.
They minimize conversations and gossip and instead focus on having meaningful interactions with their co-workers. They remember what you said to them yesterday or last week, which shows that you are just as important to them as their work.
Finally and most importantly:
Take advantage of everything described here and start testing. There is no point in reading and reading so many things if their capacity and speed of application are not effective.
People who are pleasant are not born ready. They build with trial and error the unique way they will build strong relationships.
Do this: print this text and take it with you. I already did this with a skill that I wanted to learn a while ago. Always reread, brand and practice in some way by measuring your progress.